


seasons change

by sadlybunny



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (kinda?), Dan Has Nipple Piercings, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Smut, Grinding, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Punk Phil Lester, Sexual Tension, Some Humor, Teasing, best friend's brother Dan, but only bc i think i’m funny, cheesy af, so many romance movie moments it’s almost cringeworthy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:48:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27026839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadlybunny/pseuds/sadlybunny
Summary: The boy is irresistible. He’s got that “couldn’t be bothered” attitude that has always intrigued Phil, always made him want to know Danny a little bit better. Phil knows falling in love with his best friend’s younger brother is wrong. But he just can’t seem to do the right thing.
Relationships: Dan Howell & Phil Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 83
Kudos: 81





	1. cool for the summer

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ uwu <3
> 
> hey all! this is a chaptered fic that i’ve been writing for quite some time now. chapters will be released mondays and fridays (today is an exception but the next chapter will be up tomorrow!). 
> 
> i wanted to open this story with a note, because some things about age are discussed in this fic and i want to make sure no one has any problem with that. there have been some things posted here this week that i (and lots of other phannies im sure) do not agree with (not going to name names), and i want to make it completely clear that my story does not include anything underage. it sucks because i’ve been planning to release this today for a while, and then those stories got posted just a few days before, so, yeah :/. i’m gonna give a vague description here, then go into more spoiler-y details below the three asterisks (*). i kept dan and phil’s age difference the same as it is irl, they’ve just known each other a lot longer. so, i want to assure everyone, _nothing sexual happens between dnp until the october after dan’s 18th bday_ (the exact age/month dan was when they met irl). obviously, the uk age of consent is 16, but i am also aware that there are phannies from all around the world who might see this, where things are different and the age is 18, so i want to make sure its comfortable with everyone. if you’re still worried about the details, please keep reading. if not, skip to avoid spoilers! sorry i had to start this with a wall of text but i really appreciate you reading <3
> 
> ***SPOILER WARNINGS HERE***
> 
> dan kisses phil one month before he turns 18. it does not escalate and they do not have sex. dnp drunkenly make out the day dan turns 18, but they do not have sex. i hope these boundaries are okay for you, and if not please pm me on tumblr so i can see what i can do :)
> 
> ***END***

Summer has quickly become Phil’s favorite time of the year. 

Sure, winter is great. It’s good to play around in the snow with his family, and get gifts from his mum and dad. He likes the way the trees look in autumn, and how the damp pavement smells after a day of rain. And he’s always been particularly fond of the way the pretty pink flowers in front of his grandma’s house bloom out of the planters in the spring.

Even though he has to take extra time before each trip outside his home to slather thick, white, suncream over every exposed inch of his body to shield from the bright sun, Phil loves the summer nonetheless. Because summer was when Phil would spend nearly every day at his best friend Cole’s house. 

It would be easy to assume that he enjoys the season so much because, at Cole’s, they can blast their “obscene” music (Phil’s mum’s words), lounge in the garden all day, and play video games until their eyes bleed. After all, his final year of university had Cole so busy that they barely saw each other during the term. And, being at Cole’s each day meant that Phil wouldn’t have to deal with his father bothering him each day about what the hell he was planning to do with his life, and if working at the cinema down the street was really a good use of his degree.

But none of those were the real reason Phil favors the summer now.

This year, Phil especially likes to spend his days at Cole’s because it means he gets to stare at his younger brother, Danny Howell. 

When Danny was younger, Phil barely noticed him. He just knew him as the small, freckled, curly haired boy that would hide behind Ms. Howell’s hip when Phil would talk with her. 

But he didn’t have that anymore. Her death was so unexpected. She was driving back to the house from work, and it was pouring rain. Some guy lost control in all the water and slammed right into her. 

Cole was haunted, for a while. Phil tried his best in those times to stick with him, comfort him (and sometimes Danny) as best he could. Their grandmother took care of them, mostly, but now that Cole was older, it was just him and his younger brother. They were doing pretty well, considering the bad hand they’d been dealt.

Danny was quiet now, but he was beautiful. Phil would be lying if he said he didn’t notice the way he had started to rise to almost Phil’s height around age 15 when their mum passed. Now, one month away from turning 18, Danny’s long legs and arms were just one of the things that caught Phil’s attention. 

He had rosy cheeks, and one brighter pink patch that would light up whenever Cole would tease him in front of Phil. His hair was fluffy and curly, and Phil especially loved when he ran his fingers through it and shook his head, bouncing the ringlets around. His pale skin was covered in freckles that only grew in quantity during the summer months. 

Something in particular Phil loved about Danny’s appearance was his style. His eccentric way of dressing was something that caught Phil’s attention in the first place, straying him farther from “little Danny Howell” in his mind as he got older. Danny would wear jeans that sat high on his waist, that he would cuff at the bottom around his thin ankles. He’d wear crop tops and camisoles, leaving an intriguing bar of white, freckled skin between his jeans and tops that pulled in Phil’s gaze like a magnet. Occasionally, on the hottest days, he would wear a pair of denim shorts that he had cropped with a pair of scissors to end just below his bum. Those were Phil’s least favorite days.

Today, Danny enters the garden where Phil and Cole are sat on a blanket, eating sandwiches and layed out under the sun. Phil sits up to gaze at him. He’s wearing those loose high-waisted jeans with the back pockets that he had painted cherries onto. He’s got a red lace crop top on to match, completely see-through in the sunlight. His soft curls are pushed back with a pair of red heart-shaped sunglasses. There's a white stick poking out from between his plump lips.

“Hey, Danny.” Cole sits up and pulls on his shirt, skin just a bit pink from the sun already. “Want a sandwich? I can go inside and make you one.” 

Danny pulls the white stick from his lips, and Phil realizes that it's a lollipop. “Sure.” 

Cole nods awkwardly and stands to go inside, grabbing his and Phil’s drinks to refill them as well. 

Phil knows that Cole has had trouble connecting with Danny since they lost their mum. He started acting out, wearing more revealing clothes and staying out with his friends almost every night when it all happened. Still, he was a good kid who Phil knew was just going through a particularly rough patch. Sometimes it's nice to talk with Danny without Cole around, and sometimes it's unbearably awkward. Phil decides to risk it today, Danny just looks too good for him to lie back down.

He pats the space beside him. “Come sit.” He pulls his shirt back on now as well. 

From the way Danny rolls his eyes, Phil can guess that he’s not going to be joining him on the blanket.

“Why’d you put your shirt back on?”

Phil turns, a little shocked, to Danny seated next to him. 

“What?”

Danny grins, and lays down on the blanket in the grass. “You can leave it off, I don’t mind.” 

He feels Danny’s eyes rake over his neck and arms.

“Right, well,” He crosses his legs. “It's not good for my, um, tattoos. To have too much sun.” 

Danny hums, almost like he’s considering whether or not he cares. Phil knows that Danny likes his tattoos, he’s only told him a thousand times every time he’s come back to Cole’s with a new plastic-wrapped piece of skin. He’d often catch Danny’s eyes drifting off to the colorful ink that spreads across his arms, neck, and back while they were talking. He especially likes, Phil assumes, when Phil is shirtless because it means he can see the art in full. 

“Couldn't you just put on some sun cream?”

Phil shrugs. “Guess so. I did a few hours ago. I’m too lazy to reapply.” Phil lays down again on the blanket, reaching out for his drink before remembering that Cole had taken it in.

“I could do it for you.” Danny turns to face Phil, his eyes now covered by the red sunglasses that were previously holding back his curls. His face remains completely unbothered, as if he didn’t ask Phil anything at all. Danny’s hand is grasping the white stick, which bobs almost microscopically on his tongue. 

Phil laughs, and he hopes it doesn’t sound as forced as it feels. “Yeah, right. Thanks.” 

Danny stands then, and part of Phil wants to hope he’s just going to check on Cole, but instead he’s grabbing the sun cream from beside Phil and kneeling next to him. 

“Seriously. Take your shirt off.” 

Danny’s face is so intensely neutral that, in the back of Phil’s mind, he’s actually considering it. There’s nothing wrong with that right? He’s just helping him preserve the color of his tattoos…

“Phil?” He pulls the lolly from his mouth, licking up the spit that accumulated on the top of it. “Are you gonna let me help you?”

Phil exhales. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel weird about this, seeing Danny in this way. He was undoubtedly way too young for him, he still had about a month before he turned 18. Phil’s 22, far more experienced in everything than Dan, and to make matters worse, he’s Cole’s best friend. 

“Sure.” And for some reason he can’t explain, Phil’s hands are moving to the hem of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head. 

Danny grins, just for a millisecond, before squeezing some of the sun cream out onto his hands and rubbing it between them to warm it. Phil’s eyes are trained to his hands, the movement and sounds causing a painful stab in his stomach. 

Danny’s hands move, suddenly, over Phil’s hot skin. Over the ink, colors, and slightly raised lines that make up the art on Phil’s body. He’s pushing hard into Phil, massaging the cream in and bouncing on his knees as he presses. 

Phil never noticed how _big_ Danny’s hands are. They fit around his entire bicep, and he barely needs to rub in order to spread the cream into Phil’s skin. Once he’s finished, he leans down to stare into Phil’s eyes through his sunglasses. 

“Turn over.” 

He hopes Danny doesn’t catch the way the words make him shiver as he lies on his stomach so he can reach the tattoos on his back. He shuts his eyes as he anticipates the feeling of Danny’s hands on his skin again, the electricity that comes from his fingers, the way he presses into his muscles and makes his head spin. 

They hear the back door open, and Danny pulls his hands away from Phil. He sits back on the blanket nonchalantly, adjusting his glasses and sucking on the lolly. Phil’s eyes flicker down as Danny rubs the excess sun cream onto his pale neck.

“Here we are.” Cole hands over a plate with Dan’s sandwich, and a fresh drink to Phil. He sits at the other end of the blanket and sips his drink.

“So, Danny. You’re turning 18 soon. Have you and your friends made any plans yet?” Phil can tell Cole is trying hard to seem cool or something, so he jumps in.

“They’re not elders, Cole. They probably haven’t planned something a month in advance.”

Dan grins at that, and swallows a bite of sandwich. “He’s right. We’ll probably just go out or something, like we always do.”

“What?” Cole scoffs. “18 is a special age! Why don’t you have a party here?”

“18 isn’t that special.” 

“Sure it is!” Phil sits up then. “You’ll be able to vote.”

Danny rolls his eyes.

“Or… you could get a loan.” Cole adds.

“You could be tried in a Criminal Court.”

“You could get married without my consent!”

“You could get a tattoo!” Phil shouts, waggling his eyebrows.

Cole gasps. “God no!” He punches Phil’s arm. “Danny, please don’t listen to him.”

He laughs. “You’d rather I get married than get a tattoo?”

Cole shrugs. “Hey, your relationships are none of my business, as long as you’re safe.” Danny’s gaze shifts from Cole to the blanket. “But don’t go fucking up your skin forever like this asshat-” He jabs a thumb at Phil. “-just so you can look cooler.” 

Phil huffs a laugh. “That’s okay, Danny, you can find another way to ruin your body forever once your birthday comes.” 

“I don’t think your body is ruined, Phil.” He rips the empty stick out of his mouth and throws it onto the plate. 

Cole rolls his eyes. “Obviously I didn’t mean it, Danny. But Phil is older, wiser. He knew a bit more about himself before he went and did that.”

Cole's right, Phil figures. He waited until he was about 20 to start getting tattoos, and it spiraled from there. He doesn't know about wiser, though, since a lot of his ink realIy is just tribute to the things that he likes. But sure, wiser. Phil doesn't feel wiser as he looks over at Danny, who's staring at him from his spot on the blanket. A wise man probably wouldn't let himself stare at a creature like Danny for so long. He bets he can hypnotize him with those honey-brown eyes.

Phil lays back down. “I guess I did.” 

-

Phil is working at the cinema the next day, eyes drooping and lazy as he passes popcorn and soda to squeaky teenagers. He and Cole had stayed up late last night playing video games in his lounge, and he fell asleep on that lumpy sofa without a blanket. He’s only surviving because Danny had woken him up with a cup of hot coffee and a piece of toast, bless him. He had to borrow some jeans from Cole, but he’ll live. 

He can’t stop thinking about Danny yesterday. The way his big hands pushed over his skin, and his doe eyes dropped to Phil when they were discussing his upcoming birthday. Even though Phil wasn't exactly sure how he felt, he couldn’t help but wonder if Danny felt the same way. Danny was undeniably beautiful, and Phil knew they had a connection. But the age thing wasn’t the only thing that made him hesitate. Even when he turned 18, it would feel weird to get with his best friend’s little brother. But he can’t help fantasizing about it. What it would be like to kiss Danny, touch him-

“Sir?” 

Phil looks up from the cups he’s stacking, and nearly knocks them over when he does. 

Standing in front of him is a group of teens, all dressed in assorted combinations of nonsense. There’s a sea of different hair colors, piercings, and fishnets in front of him. Most notably, Danny is in the back, hanging off of a taller guy’s arm. 

Phil allows himself to glance over at Danny while he’s putting together their order, which is pretty large since it's a group of about ten. He looks breathtaking. Another pair of loose jeans hang low on his hips this time, the black lines of what Phil can only assume to be a thong poking up from the denim and resting around his waist. He paired a big oversized crop top with it, showing off the thin curves of his flat stomach. He’s got another lollipop in his mouth, and Phil nearly gags when the taller boy snatches it from his mouth and sucks on it before shoving it back between Danny’s lips. 

He hands over their popcorn and drinks, rolling his eyes as he counts out the change that they toss onto the counter. The teens scramble away, leaving behind Danny and the boy. He can see them talking, and what looks like Danny demanding the boy follow the rest of the group. He rolls his eyes, snapping the elastic of Danny’s thong before he catches up with the others. 

“Hey, Phil.” 

He glides over to the counter and slips a few notes into the tip jar. “Sorry about them.”

Phil looks up. “‘S fine. I deal with teenagers in here, like, every day.” 

Danny looks offended, his eyebrows softening and eyes going a bit wider. “Right, well…”

His gaze follows Phil’s where it keeps flickering down to. He shifts awkwardly, his arms twisting around his bare stomach. “Could you not tell Cole about…”

“Your boyfriend?” Phil snorts. “Don’t worry, Danny. I wouldn’t tell your secrets.” 

Danny’s brow furrows for a moment, confused. “Samuel isn’t my boyfriend.” He mumbles. 

“Oh? Sure looked like it to me.”

“He’s not. We just-” Danny fumbles for words. “It's not your business. Just… don't tell Cole about…” He gestures to his outfit.

Phil nods.

There’s an awkward silence between them, Phil expecting him to scurry off and join his friends.

“Hey, when do you get off work?” 

He quirks an eyebrow. “Eight. Why?” 

Danny shrugs. “Cole won't be home from Nana’s until nine thirty.”

“That’s fine. I can just go home tonight. God knows it's been a few days since I slept in a real bed.”

Danny bites his lip, hesitating before he speaks again. 

“Or…” He leans on the counter. “We could hang out, just for a little.” 

Phil looks down at him and notes the chipped black polish on his fingers. Danny is harmless, he figures, and it will only be for about an hour before Cole gets there.

“Sure.”

Danny grins, almost villainously, as he saunters back to his friends to catch his movie.

He shouts ‘ _see you tonight!_ and Phil doesn’t miss the way one of his friends shrieks and pulls him forward excitedly, blabbering something incomprehensible as she pulls him into the theatre.

-

Phil sighs exhaustively as he pulls his tie off and makes his way up to the Howell household. It's cold out, so he scrambles to pull out his key and unlock the door before he freezes.

The warmth of the inside makes him want to sing. He toes off his shoes and throws his keys and wallet onto the table. It's always a relief to come here after work, he doesn’t have to worry about his parents harping on him or a list of chores delivered by his mum as soon as he crosses the threshold. 

Danny emerges from the kitchen, now in a much more casual getup, with a glass of Ribena in hand. He hands it over to Phil and kicks his shoes into line against the wall.

“I ordered a pizza, I hope that’s alright.” 

“Sounds great, thank you,” Phil hesitates. “Um- I’m just gonna change into some of Cole’s clothes, and I’ll be back down.”

“Sure.” Danny smiles and sits down in the lounge. 

When Phil returns, the lights have dimmed and Danny is laying on the sofa. Phil goes to sit in the armchair, but Danny rises.

“No, sorry, come sit over here.” He pats the cushion beside him.

Phil shrugs and moves over to the sofa, grabbing one of the cushions and holding it on his lap. It's almost laughable the way Danny tries to subtly shift over to him on the sofa. But then Phil remembers their situation and it's not so funny anymore. Danny is only 17, Jesus. This isn’t a date, he’s practically babysitting.

“Wanna watch a movie?” 

Phil nods, and Danny grabs the remote to turn something on. It’s Wall-E, Phil doesn’t think he’s seen this one before, so he nods in Danny’s direction when he looks over at him curiously. 

Their pizza comes only a few minutes into the film, so soon enough they’re both slumped down on the sofa with warm, full bellies. As the movie progresses, Phil starts to feel more comfortable. He likes the stupid commentary Danny keeps making on the themes of the movie, and the way his eyes go all glossy when the two robots fall in love. 

Somehow, probably when they were eating the pizza, they had shifted just a bit closer. Danny’s knee brushes Phil’s thigh as he’s seated criss-crossed with his feet under him.

The film’s only about a third of the way through, but Phil is wiping a tear away from his eye.

“Are you crying?” Danny turns to face Phil, peeling his eyes away from the movie.

Phil laughs nervously. “Yeah. It’s stupid. I want the robots to be together and save the earth an’ all that.” 

Danny smiles. “I think it's sweet.” 

Phil nods, rubbing the last of his tears from his face. Danny’s eyes are still trained on his, a pink flush overtaking his cheeks. Phil thinks he’s hallucinating when he notices that Danny’s face is just a little bit closer than it was before.

But he’s not. Danny is leaning in, and _oh, God_ his eyes are fluttering closed. Phil is convinced he’s paralyzed, completely not able to move because this gorgeous boy is leaning in to him and it's going to take the resilience of a fucking _saint_ to be able to pull away.

Luckily, Phil’s holiness isn’t tested yet, because Danny flinches and pulls back when he hears a key in the front door’s lock. 

Cole barges in, all chattery and happy to see Phil at his house. He’s setting down a tray of baked goodies from their nan, but Phil can’t even hear whatever he’s going on about. His ears have stopped working, so all he can hear is his loud thoughts, and the way his brain keeps screaming ‘ _Danny was going to kiss you!_ ’ over and over again, until the movie ends.

Cole cleans up the pizza and sweets mess, while Phil sits uselessly on the sofa. He vaguely hears Cole exclaim that he’s going to bed, and Phil can sleep on the sofa, until he’s alone again with Danny.

“You should probably get some sleep.” Danny is dimming the lights again, then marching over to sit on the cushion next to Phil.

“Might be hard with you sitting here on my bed.”

Danny considers this, his head tilting ever so slightly away.

“Didn’t you say you’d like to sleep in a real bed?”

“It’s too late to go home now, I’d rather not walk at 12am.”

Danny hums an agreement. “You could come sleep in my room.”

The color drains from Phil’s face. Part of him almost wants to believe that Danny hadn’t actually gone to kiss him earlier. But here he is asking him up to his _room_ which Phil had never even seen before. He doesn’t like the implication.

He knows it’s wrong.

“No, thanks. I’m fine here.”

Danny rolls his eyes, scooching even closer to Phil on the sofa. 

“I’ve seen the way you look at me, Phil.” His lips ghost over the stubble on his jaw. “C’mon. I won’t tell.”

And at the exact moment Danny is crashing their lips together, Phil remembers exactly why he said that. Those words knock around in his brain. 

_I won’t tell._

_I won’t tell._

_I won’t tell._

He gently shoves Danny back by his shoulder. The boy looks almost surprised that Phil was able to do that.

“Danny. You’re a very nice boy, but-”

“Oh, come off it.” His arms link around Phil’s neck. “Don’t deny that you want this.”

Phil’s heart is beating in his throat. “Danny. You’re too young for me.”

He rolls his eyes and drops his arms back to his side. Phil feels those intense brown eyes digging into the side of his face. Danny shakes his head and stands. 

“Keep lying to yourself, Phil.”

He storms out of the lounge and up the stairs to his bedroom.

Phil can’t deny, it hurts a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come say hi on tumblr [@sadlybunny](https://www.sadlybunny.tumblr.com) for a kiss on the lips  
> -bunny x


	2. body language

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan’s 18th birthday arrives.

It’s been a little over three weeks since the incident on the sofa. Phil started taking more shifts at the cinema, and showing up to Cole’s less. He felt like if he saw Danny, one of two things would happen. It would be unbearably awkward and Phil would feel guilty the whole time, or, Danny would try it on with him again. And he’s scared of how that would end.

Cole noticed, of course, because summer has always been their time to hang out as often as possible. He’d started texting Phil, almost nonstop, about the next time he’d be coming over. 

Phil decided he’s avoided it long enough, so he prepares himself for the worst as he ascends the steps to Cole’s. 

Cole swings the door open, pulling Phil into a tight hug. 

“Hey! For a minute I was thinking you were avoiding me there, mate.”

Phil laughs nervously. “Ah, no. Just… busy with the cinema.”

He nods as they make their way into the longue.

Phil takes note of the state of the house. Surprisingly, there’s no dishes in the sink, and the carpets look like they’ve been recently hoovered. It’s quite a change from the usual appearance of the house, considering two young men live here alone. 

“Hey, the place looks great.” Phil ignores the twinge in his stomach as he remembers the last time he was on this sofa. 

“Thanks!” They sit together and Cole flicks on the TV. “Danny’s having his birthday party here on Saturday. Figured I’d clean up a bit.”

Phil had almost completely forgotten about Danny’s upcoming birthday. Then again, he’s been avoiding all thoughts of Danny altogether. “Oh, good. His friends planned something?”

“Yup. A fancy dress party, or something. I won’t be here. Y’know, plausible deniability.”

Danny bounces down the stairs just then, catching the last bit of their conversation.

“You’re not coming to my party?” 

Both boys turn from the TV to face Danny.

“Psh, you don't want two old men at your party.” Cole waves him off. “Plus, I don’t want you to have any less fun because your big brother’s there.”

Danny’s face is disgustingly neutral, just like that day in the garden. It makes Phil wish he could just open his head up and see whatever was going on in there.

“You guys aren’t that much older than me.” He glares at Phil, unabashedly. “Plus, it’ll be cool to have two older guys there. On one condition.”

Cole gestures for him to continue.

“You can’t say anything about my costume, okay?”

And wow, Phil doesn’t know what that means, but he probably should not come to the party if Danny is saying what he assumes. He’s not sure he’d be able to handle that, seeing Danny in some skimpy costume, moving around a make-shift dance floor in the longue. He especially wouldn’t be able to if that boy from the other day was there, grabbing his hips, touching him without his permission like he had in the cinema. Phil’s fists are tightening, and he feels a heat come through him just imagining the situation.

Cole stands and walks to the kitchen to grab some drinks. “I don’t like what that condition implies, Danny.”

He rolls his eyes in that sour way that keeps reminding Phil of just how young Danny really is. He’s got that teenage attitude, that’s for sure. _Or maybe he’s just a brat,_ Phil’s brain supplies.

“Listen, Cole,” Danny follows his brother into the kitchen and grabs his glass of Ribena. “I’m gonna wear the costume whether you’re here or not. So you can fight with me about it, or recognize that I’m an adult and I can wear whatever I want.”

Cole’s hands move up in surrender. “Hey, mate, no need to attack me.” He brings the drinks into the longue, Danny trailing close behind him. “It's not like my comments about your outfits have stopped you before.”

“What, are you calling me a slut, now?”

“What?” Cole exclaims. “Don’t put words in my mouth!”

Their yelling starts overlapping, the siblings’ fight slightly reminiscent of some of Phil’s tiffs with his older brother when they were still living together. Danny’s hands are flailing about angrily, his face going red as he tries to speak over his brother. Phil feels like he’s intruding, the urge to leave even stronger now that Danny and Cole are nearly screaming at eachother.

“Ugh, you’re the worst!” Danny storms to the front door. “I can’t wait until I can get the fuck out of this place.” He slams the door behind him, leaving the room buzzing with energy.

Phil looks over to Cole, who’s now seated on the sofa with his head in his hands. He’s not crying, but Phil can tell that the situation has him quite exhausted. It didn’t seem like Danny to get so miffed about something like that, especially so quickly, but it seemed to be happening more often now. 

“God, I love him so much, but he really just doesn’t get it sometimes, you know?” 

“I know.” Phil pats his best friend’s head awkwardly. “Why don’t I go check on him?”

Cole looks up. “Would you?” 

Phil is already getting up and walking towards the door. “Of course.”

-

It doesn’t take long to find Danny. He’s only walked a little bit down the street and is seated under a tree. He ignores Phil as he walks up, so he sits next to him on the warm grass. 

“Hey.”

Silence.

Danny is looking off at the other side of the street, giving Phil a face-full of those fluffy brown curls. Phil can smell his shampoo, some sweet strawberry scent that’s very fitting for the summer. He wants to bury his face there, pull Danny into his lap and card his fingers through it. He wants to comfort Danny the way he did when he was younger, when his mum died. It's almost visceral, the way his body just wants to be closer to the boy, the way his arms want to reach out and hold him.

“Listen, I know it's tough- your...situation.” Phil clears his throat. “But Cole really loves you. And… so do I.” A blush covers his face. “We’d both do anything for you, you know.” 

He stands up and holds a hand out for Danny. “Cole doesn’t think you’re a slut. I think you know that.”

Danny looks up. Phil’s heart pangs at the image, the boy’s watery eyes and red, puffy face. He wipes his nose with the sleeve of his jumper. 

“You said you’d do anything for me?”

Phil shifts on his feet. “Me and your brother, yeah.”

Danny grabs Phil’s hand and rises to his feet. 

That devious look Danny is giving him makes him nervous. He’s not ready for whatever it looks like he’s planning. It hurts him that he can’t give him that. He _wants_ to give him that. But he thinks of Cole, and he thinks of a younger Danny crying into his neck when he lost his mum, and he just can’t.

“Listen, Danny, I don’t know if you forgot-”

“Oh, relax. I’m not gonna ask you to fingerbang me or something.”

Phil sputters. “I-”

Danny grabs his arms. “Will you just take me somewhere?” 

Phil considers this. He did say he’d do anything…

“Sure. Where are we going?”

-

They’re standing in front of the town’s tattoo shop. Phil has shot Cole a text- just telling him that he and Danny are going out really quick to cool down.

“Danny, you know you’re not old enough to get a tattoo for a few more days, right?”

He huffs. “Obviously.” He grabs Phil’s hand and pulls him inside the shop. “That’s not why we’re here.”

A heavily tattooed and pierced woman with blue hair greets them from behind the counter. She tells Phil to take a seat, and Danny follows close behind with some papers he has to sign. 

“Are you gonna tell me why we’re here?”

Danny's eyes are trained on the paper, pen signing his name and checking boxes in a frenzy. “I’m getting pierced, obviously. Ruining my body like you suggested.” 

Phil’s eyebrows raise. “Your ears?” His ears flicker to the hoops that are already hanging from the boy’s lobes.

“You’re about to find out.” Danny smirks, handing the papers over to the blue-haired woman. She checks his license and takes the large wad of notes Danny had pulled out of his wallet.

Another woman emerges and beckons them both to follow her back to the piercing room. 

“Alright, babe, take off your shirt.” After she marks spots on him with a purple marker and he checks them in a mirror, she pats the cot for Danny to lay down on.

Phil’s ears perk up at that. “What?”

Danny smiles at him as the woman grabs her supplies, cleaning off Danny’s chest with cotton wool and alcohol. 

Phil is paying rapt attention to the boy’s chest, and the way the skin jumps as the woman pushes the cold piece of cotton around the pink circles. He’s covered in freckles. Phil wants to lean down and trace them with his finger, trace them all the way from the hardening nubs on his pecs down to the hem of his jeans. 

“You wanna hold his hand?” She blinks up at Phil, leaving a space for him on the opposite side of her.

“S-sure.”

Danny snatches up his hand and squeezes it. The woman coos.

“Y’all are too cute.” She grabs the needle and leans over Danny. 

Only now does the whole situation register in Phil’s mind. He’s getting his _nipples_ pierced. Little Danny Howell is about to get metal bars shoved into his chest. Phil should do something about this… right?

The woman grabs forceps from a tray and fastens them to pinch his left nipple. She tells him to breathe deeply, shoving the needle through him on his third breath out. Phil can feel Danny squeeze his fingers, just slightly, but his expression stays fairly neutral. Once one bar is in, she moves on to the other side, switching the forceps over, and pierces a hole again. Danny winces a bit this time, and squeezes Phil’s hand a bit harder, but he’s fine. The woman smiles, handing Danny a mirror so he can look at them while still laying down.

Danny gasps, his cheeks pinkening as he gazes at the silver on his chest. His smile grows about tenfold, one hand coming up to touch.

“Don’t touch yet, love!” She hurries over with a pamphlet and Danny’s shirt. “And you two will have to wait at least two months before any _playing around_ with them, okay?” 

Phil blushes, stammering over his words. “We- We’re not-”

“Thanks!” Danny grabs his hand, now fully clothed, and pulls him all the way out of the shop.

He’s _definitely_ not telling Cole about this.

-

Thankfully, by Saturday, Danny and Cole have made up. Part of Phil thinks it’s just so that Danny can still have his party, and Cole will buy snacks, but they’ve made up nonetheless.

Somehow, Danny was able to convince both Phil and Cole that they _absolutely_ had to come to his party. Phil figured if it was really that terrible to be around all of those teens, he and Cole could just go up to Cole’s room and play video games or something. 

He had forgotten about the fancy dress, though, so he just throws on a leather jacket with some black clothes and calls himself a biker. 

He’s walking to the house, hoping and praying that he doesn’t do anything stupid tonight. The present he got for Danny swings in the bag as he makes his way up to the house. There’s no stereotypical teens making out on the lawn, but he can hear the music bumping from inside.

It gets louder as he opens the door, and so does the miscellaneous chatter. There’s a good amount of people here, actually, not just the friends that Danny had brought to the cinema. They’re all in costumes (which is surprising for teens who just want to seem “cool”) and crowded around the speakers in the longue, with some scattered around the rest of the first floor. He can’t find Cole, or Danny, so he makes his way to the kitchen to find a drink.

Someone bumps into him on the way. “Shit, sorry-”

Phil’s mouth snaps shut when he lays eyes on the boy who had knocked into him.

It’s Danny, wearing a black camisole and spandex shorts, complete with bunny ears sat atop his curls and a fucking _tail_ pinned to his backside. Phil’s eyes roam down his body, all the way down the fishnet-covered miles of legs and to his socked feet. He can see the outline of the silver bars in his nipples poking through the top.

“Oh, hey Phil.” 

He can’t form words. Phil doesn’t think he’s ever been completely and utterly speechless until now. He can feel the heat in his cheeks, his hands, his stomach, his whole body aching to just reach out and _touch_. 

He clears his throat. “Hey, Danny.” The arm holding the gift raises, although Phil isn’t sure he told his arm to do that. “I brought you a gift.”

Danny smiles. “Thanks. You’re the only one who did that, actually.”

Phil looks confused, and Danny adds, “Besides Cole, of course.”

“Well that’s silly. It’s your 18th birthday, it's a special one.” Phil bops his nose.

Danny giggles, then quickly straightens his face. 

“Come up to my room in an hour so I can open this, okay?”

Phil shrugs. He’s pretty sure he’s completely powerless to Danny right now. He could ask him for his left hand and he’d probably agree. “Sure.” 

“Dance with me?” 

He’s not sure that’s such a good idea. But he glances around the room, and Cole’s still not here, so he figures a song or two won’t hurt. Something inside him screams that if he’s only doing it because Cole’s not around, he probably shouldn’t be doing it at all. He ignores that part of him.

“‘Course, a dance for the birthday boy.” Phil holds out an arm and leads Danny into the longue, the boy smiling the whole way.

His friends don’t acknowledge them, thankfully, as they slide into the group of people swaying around the speakers. 

Danny pulls him closer by the wrists, until their chests are just barely touching. 

They’re not dancing really, just swaying to and fro to the song that pumps through the speakers.

The song changes into something more upbeat, and Phil catches the way Danny’s eyes light up. 

“You like this song?” 

Danny nods. He hasn’t dropped Phil’s arms yet, so his hands travel up further, grasping his biceps over the leather jacket. 

He’s smiling lazily up into Phil’s eyes, clutching him tightly. 

And it makes Phil feel really fucking guilty, because he _likes_ this. Like, _a lot_. He likes to feel Danny’s big hands grasping at his arms, and being close enough to study the patterns in his irises. He can feel Danny breathing against his chest, and the urge to just pick him up and run away with him increases with each exhale.

“Hey, Danny!”

He turns around to face the girl that had just run up to him, keeping Phil’s arms wrapped around his shoulders.

The girl is going on about something, probably saying happy birthday to him, and Danny converses with her enthusiastically. He’s still shifting around to the music, just slightly, pulling Phil closer to his back every few seconds. 

She smirks, then looks up to him, “Bye, Phil.” And returns to her group to keep dancing. 

Danny tugs him the rest of the way, Phil’s chest now flush with his back, and moves Phil’s arms to rest around his waist. 

“Dance.”

Phil huffs into Danny’s neck. 

“You’re asking me to do a lot more than dance right now, Danny.”

He groans. “Can you just stop fucking overthinking everything and dance with me?” He pushes back into Phil, swaying his hips to the music. “It’s my birthday.”

Phil digs his fingers into Danny’s hips, the boy’s hands rising above to tug off his bunny ears. He throws them to the side and returns his arms to the back of Phil’s neck. They’re already pressed impossibly close together, but when Danny starts deliberately grinding back into Phil, his mouth drops open. He can feel it all throughout his body, electricity shooting through his veins and making his brain light up. He can’t see Danny’s face, but he’s sure he doesn’t look as dumb as Phil, holding onto the smaller boy’s hips for dear life and gazing forward with wide eyes. 

“Danny-” He shivers when Danny speeds up his hips. “You should-”

“You haven’t had a drink yet.” Danny spins around to face him, Phil exhaling as the pressure on his groin disappears. 

“Huh?”

Danny grabs his hand and pulls him through the crowd, snatching his bunny ears back up on the way. They make their way into the kitchen where a boy is mixing drinks and handing them out in plastic cups. 

After a few seconds, Phil recognizes him as the boy from the cinema that was touching Danny. The boy (Shane? Samuel? Phil can’t remember.) passes Danny a drink and smiles down at him. He looks like a fucking snake, ready to drop his jaw open and sink his teeth into the little bunny in front of him. Phils hand curls around Danny’s waist protectively. He doesn’t know what this guy’s deal is but he remembers he didn’t like the way he had talked to Danny at the cinema.

Danny struggles to hide his smile, then hands something over to Phil. “Drink this, I’ll see you in an hour, have fun, okay?”

Phil definitely doesn’t watch the way the tail pinned to Danny’s bum bobs up and down as he saunters away.

Phil is able to find Cole eventually, standing by the window and picking out some music. He probably just came down. Phil joins him, watching the people around them in a way he hopes doesn't scream “parental guardian”. Evidently, it doesn’t, because they’re all still making out and grinding on each other without holding back.

A certain song comes on, “Toxic” by Britney Spears, and Phil exclaims how much he ‘ _loves this song!_ ’. So of course Cole drags him into the gaggle of teens, both dancing a bit out of rhythm. He can probably credit that to whatever drink that kid in the kitchen kept whipping up, God knows he used to make some monstrosities in his uni days.

Eventually, when Cole’s arms have wound around Phil’s neck and they're swaying to some indie song together, Phil remembers that he was supposed to meet Danny in his room. It had been just over an hour, so he tells Cole that he's using the toilet and (carefully) makes his way up the stairs.

He takes a deep breath with his hand on the doorknob. He prays that the spot in his brain screaming ‘ _everything is about to change_ ’ is wrong.

Phil pushes the door open, and he thanks whatever God that’s up above that Danny isn’t laid out on the bed naked or something like that.

He’s holding the bag, cross-legged on the edge of the bed, and he pats the spot next to him when he makes eye contact with Phil. He joins him on the bed, mind still reeling with all the possibilities of whatever’s about to happen. The alcohol makes his brain all fuzzy, makes Danny look more and more appealing with each second that passes.

“Happy birthday, Danny.”

He sighs.

“Dan.”

Phil meets his eyes. “Huh?”

“Can you… could you call me Dan?” He scooches further up on the bed, pulling the bag with him. “You and Cole are the only ones that still call me Danny and… It makes me feel like a baby.” 

“Oh.” Phil’s not sure how to take that. He tries to ignore the hidden message there, for one. 

_Danny’s not a baby anymore._

“Sure, Dan.” 

Dan smiles there, just for a second, and Phil barely catches it. It makes his heart feel fluttery and his ears burn red. He likes the way Dan looks when he smiles. 

He pulls the bag open and grabs the gift from the tissue.

“I know it's not the most exciting gift for your 18th…”

Dan flips the gift over, a book, and reads the cover. _A Tale of Two Cities_ by Charles Dickens.

“...and I’ll totally buy you a bottle or something too, if you want. But, um, it's one of my favorites and I think you’d really like it. And it's my copy from uni so its got all my little notes in it- which I thought you’d like to see, I don’t know, its dumb-”

“Phil.”

“Hm?”

“Shut up.”

Dan attacks his lips, pushing Phil back onto the bed and straddling him. It's nothing like their first kiss was a month ago. This one is different. It’s _hot_ and desperate, and Phil has literally no clue what to do with his hands. Dan doesn’t seem to have that problem, his fingers burrowing in Phil’s hair and rubbing up and down his arm. Dan throws away his leather jacket, the heavy material hitting the floor and making Phil flinch. Dan pulls back, just for a second, to trace a few of Phil’s tattoos. Phil’s hands and brain finally make a connection, his fingers splaying across Dan’s bum as he reconnects their lips. He laughs into Dan’s mouth as his hand accidentally gropes the fluffy tail rather than Dan’s backside. 

And suddenly, everything becomes much more vivid. 

He’s laying on a bed, with his best friend’s little brother above him. He’s probably drunk, and so is Danny, and the kid had just turned 18 today. 

What is he doing?

“Dan-” He bites Phil’s lip, inhaling deeply through his nose. “Mmph- Dan.” Dan’s mouth moves to his neck, kissing and licking over the tattoos. 

“ _Danny._ ” 

Dan pulls up from Phil’s neck, eyes large and questioning.

“We shouldn't- we...we _can’t_.” 

Dan lets out a whine as he sighs. “Why not? I turned 18, we’re only four years apart.” He leans down to burrow in Phil’s neck. “And it's my birthday, Philly.” He punctuates the sentence with a wet kiss to the tattoo that decorates the side of his neck.

Phil groans. “Your older brother is my best friend. It wouldn’t be right if I went and fucked his brother the minute he was legally a complete adult-”

“I-”

“Let me finish, Daniel.” He cups Dan’s face with his hand. “I’ve known Cole for fourteen years. I just couldn’t do that to him.”

Dan huffs, crawling off of Phil’s lap and laying next to him. 

“Please don’t let this ruin your birthday.”

Dan rolls his eyes and pulls his knees up to his chest. 

“Just go downstairs, please.”

Phil nods, leaving Dan in his room curled up on the bed.

“Phil!” Cole stumbles over to him, and throws an arm around his shoulder. Cole is definitely drunk. “Come dance again!’

And so they do. They dance in the lounge, surrounded by sweaty hormone-filled teens who won’t stop grinding on each other. Phil keeps glancing over to the stairs, expecting to see Dan hop down the steps with his bunny ears back on, but he never does.

Phil and Cole end up on the sofa, Cole leaning on his chest and hopefully sleeping off some of the liquor he had guzzled. But Cole’s eyes flutter open, and he smiles at Phil once he sees his face.

Phil smiles back at his best friend. “Hey, maybe you should go up to your room.”

Cole nods, leaning into Phil for some of that warmth he always seems to be giving off.

Phil doesn’t even register that his best friend is kissing him until it’s too late.

He pushes Cole away.

Well, _shit_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dedicating this chapter to the nice piercing ladies who kept calling me “babe” and “love” when i got mine done  
> come say hi on tumblr [@sadlybunny](https://www.sadlybunny.tumblr.com)  
> -bunny x


	3. false god

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning. Phil gives in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if you saw the other one before I deleted it!! multiple chunks of texts somehow got deleted. i’ve fixed it now! happy phannie day!

Cole had, luckily, fallen asleep almost immediately after Phil had pushed him off of his lips. He was sloshed, so Phil carried him up the steps and into his bedroom. Thankfully there were no more incidents, Cole falling asleep peacefully once Phil got him under the covers.

There was a lot to unpack from tonight. 

His best friend had kissed him, probably only twenty minutes after Phil snogged his younger brother in his bedroom. It really only lasted a second, and Cole was so far gone that he knew it probably didn’t mean anything. Dan’s kiss, however… was something else. It was intense, it was under his skin, burrowed deep in his brain. He was still thinking about it hours later, replaying the moment in his mind. Remembering the feeling of Dan’s glossy lips on his, the faint taste of strawberry on his tongue. The texture of Dan’s fishnet stockings and the way Phil’s fingers would slip through the holes when he stroked Dan’s thighs. Dan’s teeth on his neck, scraping over his veins. He hopes that both brothers are too drunk to remember anything in the morning.

The teens started to filter out of the house when they realized Dan wasn’t coming back. Once Phil was alone, he could lay down on the sofa and finally get to sleep.

His body aches to climb the stairs and join Dan. He knows he wouldn’t mind.

-

“Morning, handsome.” Phil raises an eyebrow at Cole as he enters the kitchen. Phil’s finishing up some eggs, flipping them over in the pan and throwing on some salt and pepper. There’s a plate of bacon to his side, and some toast that he had already buttered. 

“Ugh, not too loud please.”

Cole sits at the breakfast bar and peeks over at the stove.

“You’re cooking?” His pale face brightens a bit.

Phil laughs, scooping some of the eggs out onto a plate. “Yup.” He hands over the plate with eggs, bacon, and a piece of toast. “Wasn’t sure how hungover you and Dan might be.”

Coles brow furrows. “Oh, Danny. Yeah, I can’t remember how much he drank.” He takes a big bite of egg and moans. “I love you.”

Phil giggles, his tongue poking out from between his teeth. “Yeah, I remember just how much you love me from last night.” 

Cole perks up. “What? What did I do?” 

Phil nibbles a piece of bacon. “You don’t remember?”

Cole shakes his head, so Phil puts his bacon down and puckers his lips, leaning in and making obscene kissy noises.

Cole shrieks. “No way, I did not kiss you!”

Phil cackles. “You-”

“You kissed Phil?”

Both boys' heads snap to the stairs, where Dan is standing at the bottom. His hair is frizzy and a bit mussed, but he still looks painfully adorable. He’s wearing a jumper that’s probably three times his size, the sleeves hanging past his hands. He looks hurt.

Cole is still laughing. “I guess so. I was pretty drunk last night.” He shrugs. “Not like it’s the first time Phil and I have drunkenly smooched.”

Dan walks into the kitchen. “When did this happen?”

God, Phil is in for it now. Next time they’re alone Dan is definitely going to have a go at him.

Cole shrugs. “Sometime after you disappeared, I guess. Right, Phil?”

Dan is staring him down. “Phil?”

He laughs nervously, Dan’s eyes boring into his. Dan is tapping his foot, arms crossed and a glare in his eyes. Phil is trying to take him seriously, be at least a little intimidated, but he just looks so damn adorable with his bed hair and sweater paws that Phil can barely keep from smiling.

“Happy breakfast.” Phil hands him a plate. “I mean-” He shakes his head. “I made you breakfast. For your hangover.”

Dan snatches it and looks down at the plate. 

“I’m vegan.”

“Oh.”

“And I barely drank last night.”

Phil’s face goes completely pink.

“Oh.”

Magically, Phil had managed to make the situation worse.

Cole’s phone pings, and he picks it up and reads the notification. “Oh. Ugh.” He shoves the rest of the eggs in his mouth and stands. “Nan wants me to come over. Dan, you wanna come?”

His arms are still crossed. “No, thanks. I think I’ll stay here.” He stares Phil down. “With Phil.”

“Great!” Cole slips on his shoes and opens the front door. He’s still in his pjs, and he definitely looks like he had a rough night. “Should be back in an hour.”

The door shuts, and Phil looks over to Dan.

“I-”

Dan holds up a finger, shutting Phil up instantly. Dan is gazing out the window, watching Cole walk down the street to their grandmother’s house. It's a bit of a walk, but it's not like Cole could be driving considering the amount he drank last night. Once Cole is a safe distance from the house, Dan’s finger comes down. 

He storms over to Phil and hits him on the arm.

“Hey!”

“You shove your tongue down my throat and grope my arse, reject me, and then run downstairs to lock lips with my brother?! On my _birthday_?”

“Dan, it's not like that-”

“Seriously, it’s like you’re trying to upset me!” Tears have welled in his big, brown eyes. “Why would you do that when you know how much I want to be with you?

“I-” Phil stops. “You want to be with me?”

“You kissed my fucking brother!”

Phil lets out a cry of frustration. “No I didn’t!”

“Oh, so you and Cole were just doing some breakfast improv, is that it?” 

“If you’d listen to me for one fucking second, then you’d understand!” Phil’s voice is raising as Dan keeps interrupting him. “Cole was pissed, and he leaned over and pecked me on the lips when he was half asleep. It obviously didn’t mean anything!”

Dan storms to the staircase. “Just like our kiss, right?” The tears are running down his face now, his arms crossed in defense now rather than impatience. 

“Danny-”

He scoffs and climbs the stairs. “I don’t want to see you.” He breathes, throwing his bedroom door closed behind him. 

And that’s the third time now, that Phil had wished he could follow Dan up.

-

The rest of the summer passes by in a blur.

Phil and Cole hang out sometimes, Dan usually retreating to his room and avoiding him whenever he comes round. Phil picks up more shifts at the cinema, to the point where he’s pretty sure his sweat tastes like buttered popcorn. 

It's nice to not have to go back to school, but it almost feels like a reminder of how empty his life is now. Each day is spent at the cinema, or with Cole avoiding Dan as much as possible, and end with his mum or dad trying to talk with him about his “plans for the future”. He can’t spend the night at Cole’s anymore. It feels wrong, and Dan is there all the time now since he’s taking a gap year. 

Now that it's October, Phil is reminded of just how much he misses the summer. The rain is simply depressing now. It makes the pavement slippery as he walks home from work, and the smell makes him cringe. The stupid leaves have changed, and every time one falls in his path he cringes at the irony. 

He misses Dan.

He’s stopped coming to the cinema, so Phil doesn’t even see him surrounded by that loud group of friends. He misses his crazy outfits and stupid lollipops, and the way his face would go all blank whenever a smile threatened his lips. 

Maybe he regretted what happened that night. But not what happened with Dan, everything that came after. Four months was enough to show him that.

His phone rings, and he checks around for his supervisor, who’s not around, so he picks it up.

“Hey Cole.”

“Philly!”

He cringed at the nickname. Dan had called him that when they… whatevered. 

“Listen, I know you’re busy with the cinema, but I know you get off at 6 today. So could you come over and spend the night? I know we get busier when summer ends, but It's been too long. I miss waking up and seeing you looking all gross on my sofa.”

Phil laughs. “Or do you just miss the eggs I make in the morning?”

“That too.”

Phil considers the offer. It really had been a while since they had hung out long enough to get sick of each other. And, Dan had been avoiding him every time he came over anyway. 

“Sure, I’ll see you tonight.”

Cole cheers, and they part with rushed goodbyes, as Phil can hear his supervisor returning from her break. 

Tonight should be interesting, if anything.

-

“Hey! Come in, come in.” Cole hugs him tightly and shuts the front door behind them. “I’m making dinner!”

“Oh no, call the fire brigade.” Phil quips.

Cole snorts, pulling him into the kitchen. “It’s just pasta.”

“Isn’t Dan vegan?”

“Danny’s at a friend’s. Some guy, Samuel? I think.” Cole stirs the pasta sauce.

“Oh.”

“Why, did you want to see him?” He can tell Cole is clueless, just asking an innocent question. But it still makes his cheeks burn.

“No, no. But I know Samuel.”

Cole hums, encouraging him to elaborate.

“I saw him at the cinema once, with Dan.”

Cole sighs. “I know. He was at the party, too. I think they’re dating.” Phil’s heart twinges. He did not like the way Samuel looked at Dan at the party. Like he was an object. Like he was trying to get Dan drunk on purpose.

“That’s...nice.”

“I know this is kind of awkward, but…” 

Phil’s heart starts beating faster. He can feel his pulse in his ears, and his face is completely red. There’s no way Cole found out about what happened at the party, right? Unless Dan told him. 

“...I just don’t know anything about that stuff. Would you mind talking to him about it?”

Phil only catches the last part, his nerves making him shake a bit in his seat. “What?”

“Like…” Cole blushes. “Being safe with Samuel, and all that. His school obviously didn’t teach anything about how it works when you’re gay, and I know nothing about that stuff-”

“You want me to give Dan a gay sex talk?” Phil raises his eyebrows.

He stammers. “I’m not trying to offend you, or anything, but-”

Phil laughs. “I’m not offended. I’m glad you’re looking out for him.” He supposes its better than Cole knowing that Dan wanted to do a lot more than just _talk_ about sex with Phil at his birthday party. “But… do you really think he needs me?”

Cole leans over the counter and lowers his voice. “The kid got _nipple piercings_ , Phil. I have no idea what he’s getting up to outside of this house.” _Or in it_ , Phil thinks. 

“I’m just worried about him. He’s been going over to Samuel’s like, every night since his birthday.”

Oh.

That makes Phil want to cringe. He can picture it in his mind, Dan going over to Samuel’s with an overnight bag. He’d take his shirt off, let Samuel mess with those piercings that Dan dragged Phil with him to get. That Phil hadn’t stopped thinking about since he witnessed them get shoved through his nipples. He tries to stop but he can’t, he’s like fucking _Mr. Brightside_. All he can see is Dan in Samuel’s lap, biting his lip like he did Phil’s, fucking himself down onto him like he almost did that night. Bile rises in his throat.

“Does he stay the night?” Phil can’t help but ask. 

“No, not that I’ve noticed.”

He feels a weight come off of his shoulders. Cole cocks his head to the side, so Phil attempts to play it off.

“I’m sure he’s being safe, Cole.” He stares at Phil with big, watery eyes. It reminds him of Dan, that morning in the house. “But I’ll talk to him if it makes you feel better.”

Cole sighs in relief. “It will, thank you.”

-

A few hours later, once both boys are full of pasta and a little bit of wine, Phil is a lot less anxious about Dan. He knows Cole is clueless about what happened at the party, and Dan will probably be at Samuel’s for most of the night, so he doesn’t have to worry about seeing him. Of course, Samuel is a whole other thing he has to be anxious about. But he knew if he spiraled down that avenue in his brain, it would be unfair for Cole. Because if he starts thinking about Dan and Samuel, he definitely wouldn’t be able to stop.

The door is pushed open and Dan storms in the house. Phil’s eyebrows raise as he drags his eyes over Dan, who’s wearing a lacy white top, bright blue mom jeans, and an open black zip-up hoodie. Phil’s eyes move curiously to Dan’s chest, and his stomach squeezes when he spots the outline of Dan’s piercings in the middle of the cream coloured silk.

“Hey Danny.” Cole says tentatively, watching him enter from his spot nestled on the sofa. Phil’s sure he notices the anger in the way Dan slumps down onto the armchair.

Dan is silent, pulling out his phone to avoid talking. Phil feels a pang of guilt in his chest as the blank look on Dan’s face brings him right back to the argument they had a few months ago.

“Hey, I’m gonna run to Nan’s really quick.” Cole looks up at Phil and gestures to Dan with a raise of his eyebrows. “Phil’s sleeping over, okay Danny?”

He nods, not bothering to look up from the screen in his hands.

“Right.” Cole stands, giving one last not-at-all subtle jab of his thumb in Dan’s direction to make sure Phil understands. Phil nods, of course, and sees Cole out the front door.

“He’s being weird.” Dan states, monotone, as Phil wanders back into the longue. It’s the first thing Dan has said to him since June and it makes his heart clench.

“He...wanted me to talk to you.”

Dan drops his phone into his lap suddenly and looks up at Phil on the sofa. “Did you tell him?”

“No...no,” Phil shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “He wanted me to talk to you about… Samuel.”

“Oh.” Dan gives him a confused look and picks up his phone again. “What about him?”

“He just-” He interrupts himself, running a hand through his quiff. “Look, Dan, this is a little awkward for me.”

“Spit it out, already.”

Phil hesitates. He really doesn’t want to go here with Dan, but he knows he made a promise to Cole. “He just wanted me to make sure you two are being...safe.” Phil clears his throat. “Which, I think, makes him a good older brother-”

“He asked you to ask about my sex life?”

“No! Well, yes, in a way. But only to make sure you two are being smart. And he only asked me because he says he doesn’t know anything about how ‘that works’.” Phil rolls his eyes. “He is really worried about you, though.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Dan is scrolling on his phone still, seemingly unbothered by the whole situation. 

“Like,” Phil pulls at his collar. “That you’re using condoms and… stuff.”

Dan shakes his head and shrugs. “Sam doesn’t like to. Says it feels better without them.”

Phil’s eyebrows shoot up. “Dan! How long have you even known this kid? God, he could have, like, a million different diseases you don’t know about. That’s really, really-”

“I’m kidding.”

Phil’s chest unclenches. “Oh.”

Dan’s eyes still don’t leave his phone screen. “Samuel and I haven’t had sex,” Phil definitely shouldn’t feel relieved at that, but he does. He also notices the lack of the word ‘yet’ which makes his heart beat a little bit faster. “And I just dumped him, so. Won’t have to worry about that.”

That’s definitely something that shouldn’t make Phil want to smile, but it does.

“Why did you dump him?” Phil shifts a bit closer to the armchair. 

Dan looks up at him, scoffs, and turns back to his phone.

He’s silent, scrolling while Phil anticipates an answer. He rests his chin on his hand, staring up at Dan. 

“Because he’s not you.”

Phil feels like he’d gone into orbit all those months ago and has just come crashing back to Earth. “What?”

He had no idea Dan felt that way about him. That Dan actually wanted to be with him. He had assumed that it was a craving, teenage hormones or something like that. That they would fuck on Dan’s birthday and never talk about it again, keeping it a secret from Cole (God knows he’d murder him if he found out Phil had a one night stand with his brother). But this is different now. Dan feels the same way Phil does. It makes his head spin. Why shouldn’t they try this out? Why should Cole get in the way if it's going to be a real relationship?

“Save it, okay? I already know what you’re gonna say.” Dan stands from his seat and walks over to the stairs. “I’m too young, it would hurt Cole, blah blah blah. I don’t need to hear it all again.”

“Dan.” Phil stands up, too, trailing after him.

“I get it, alright? You don’t need to rub it in.”

“Dan.” Phil gets closer now, stepping up to him where he’s standing at the end of the steps.

“I don’t want to talk about it, really. Because I’m already thinking about it, like, all the fucking time-” 

“Dan.” Phil grabs the boy’s arm and looks into his eyes.

“What?”

“Shut up.” 

Phil leans down to catch Dan’s lips in a kiss. It’s too late now, the floodgates have officially opened, and Phil is convinced that he never wants to stop kissing Dan. He would stand here, in the middle of the Howell family home, pressing his lips into Dan’s forever. 

Dan makes a noise of surprise as his brain seems to catch up with the situation. He winds his arms around Phil’s neck with a sigh, deepening the kiss. Everywhere Dan touches him feels like too much, but a _good_ too much, like he’s been starving himself for four months and suddenly he’s at a fucking buffet.

“Phil.” Dan gasps against his lips, pulling him closer. He can only grunt in reply, his fists that have grasped around Dan’s hoodie tightening their grip.

“You’re- mmph-” One of Phil’s hands moves to the back of Dan’s head, pushing him impossibly close. “You’re kissing me.” He gasps into the air as they pause for a breath.

“Yeah.” Phil agrees, biting Dan’s lip and going deeper, deeper, putting every last bit of his soul into this kiss. 

Dan pulls away with some struggle, his lips seeming to reconnect with Phil’s each time he disconnects their lips and looks into Phil’s blue eyes.

“Can we- fuck,” He sits down on the steps and clutches his chest. “Should we talk about that?” 

Phil sits down next to him and grabs his hand. “I just couldn’t pretend like I didn’t want to anymore.”

Dan looks up at him, head resting on his own thighs, and lets out a deep, shaky breath. 

“What does this mean?”

“That I-” Phil sighs, fixing up his hair as best he can without a mirror. “Fuck, I don’t know. I wanna give us a try?”

“You don’t sound so sure.” Dan’s face is too neutral. Phil wishes he would just show some emotion when they get serious like this.

“Dan. I do. I want to be with you.”

“What about Cole? You’ve just magically changed your mind?” Dan questions, pulling his hand away. He sighs, brushing it through his curls. “And, what, you just… got jealous enough to finally do something? Oh, god, is this all because of Samuel-”

“Dan,” Phil insists. “I’ve never wanted anyone like you. You are the last dream of my soul.” 

Dan looks back up at him at the use of the quote. The book Phil had given him, _A Tale of Two Cities_. He had read that book over and over since his birthday, running his finger over the little notes Phil had scrawled out on the pages during uni. Whenever he missed Phil he’d read it, and he remembers that quote being underlined, the only note along with it was the drawing of a heart. He always felt like the notes were Phil talking to him, but that one especially felt like it was meant for Dan.

“Kiss me again.”

And Phil does. He lifts Dan up from the steps, the boy’s legs winding around Phil’s hips. He pushes Dan’s back into the wall beside them for support, the pressure on their fronts making both of them bite back a moan. 

“Can we go up?”

Phil breathes heavily, letting Dan down from the wall. For the first time, he can follow Dan up to his room and not feel guilty. He can’t feel guilty now, not when whatever’s happening between him and Dan right now feels so _real_.

He lifts Dan up again, bridal style, and kisses him quickly. He ascends the stairs, Dan’s arms wrapped around his neck as he presses little kisses into Phil’s collarbone.

They get to Dan’s room and Phil sets him gently on the bed. Dan pulls him onto himself, spreading his thighs and settling Phil there in between them.

Phil kisses down his neck, biting and sucking where it meets his shoulder as Dan whimpers and moans. He can tell Dan likes this, so he bites harder, Dan’s cries of pleasure encourage him to continue, leaving few marks behind along the way. Dan’s hoodie was left at the door, and Phil pulls away from his neck to stare down at the imprints in his silk top. He brushes a hand over one, feeling the cool silver piercing knock against his knuckle. Dan gasps, biting his lip, and Phil grins as he rubs the other one. Dan’s reactions are just too good, too hot, so Phil slips Dan’s lacy top off to get a better look. 

He’s glowing, chest a bit sweaty, and Phil’s eyes are trained to the silver bars poking out of his perfect pink nipples. He’s so goddamn pretty. One hand comes up to the piercing on the left and he fits his mouth around the other. Dan is making absolutely heavenly sounds below him, gasping his name, pleading him to never stop.

Phil does stop, eventually, because he can tell Dan is uncomfortable under his jeans and he’d like to get him out of them. Phil’s shirt has already been discarded somewhere along the way, so he moves his hands to the button on Dan’s jeans.

Dan pulls back from their kiss, meeting Phil’s eyes and breathing heavily.

Phil rubs his arm calmingly. “We don’t have to-”

“I’m a virgin.” Dan blurts.

“I thought you were a vegan.”

“Phil-”

“Okay.” He smooths a hand across Dan’s stomach. “Dan, we don’t have to-”

“Touch me.” Dan’s bottom lip is trembling. “Please.”

Phil nods. “Yeah, of course.”

Dan leans over to his nightstand, shuffling around until he finds a bottle of lube. He pushes it into Phil’s hand, who glances down at the half-empty bottle.

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot.”

Phil breathes a string of curses, opening the bottle and squeezing some into his hands. “You’re going to be the death of me, Dan Howell.”

Dan shimmies out of his jeans, then connects his lips with Phil’s again. They kiss, it's slow and sweet and Dan lets out a shaky breath, his nerves leaving his body as his chest rises and falls. He pulls away, staring deeply into Phil’s icy blue irises as he pulls his black Calvin’s down, freeing his dick.

Phil kisses his forehead, looking back at him. “Breathe.”

He connects their lips again, finally moving his hands to tease over Dan’s cock. He shudders, grasping Phil’s arms with his large hands and digging his fingernails into the inked skin.

They kiss again, and Dan feels a wave of calmness and pleasure overtake him. He moans loudly as Phil starts pumping his hand over him, his mouth latching on to Dan’s bright blushing neck. 

“Phil, god. Please don’t stop.” He moans, back arching into the touch.

Phil pulls up from his neck and kisses his hot cheek. “You look so beautiful like this.” 

Dan comes over Phil’s hand with a cry of his name. 

Phil kisses him sweetly, pulling a tissue off of Dan’s bedside and cleaning him up. 

They lay there for a minute, Phil petting Dan’s hair and pressing kisses all over his face. 

“I’ve waited so long to do that.” He murmurs, smooching along Dan’s jaw.

Dan looks up. And maybe he’s a little high from the oxytocin, or just the feeling of finally getting what he wanted after so long.

“Phil, I’m in love with you. I have been since, like, I was sixteen.” 

“Sixteen, really?” Phil props up on his elbow to listen, one hand smoothing over Dan’s hip.

“Yeah. When…” Dan takes a deep, shuddering breath. “When mum died, and you used to come over. And after Cole went to bed you’d turn on some Disney film and let me cry on your shoulder. I think that’s when I knew.”

Dan sighs. 

“You...you don’t have to say it back.”

Phil smiles and pecks his lips. “I will. We have time.”

There’s no rush. Phil has a feeling he’ll be sure of his love for Dan soon anyway, but he doesn’t feel like he needs to say it now.

“God.” Dan swings a leg over Phil’s hips. Their position is reminiscent of Dan’s birthday, but the feelings are so much different. “Can I suck your cock?”

Phil’s pretty sure his brain fizzles out then, any thoughts or words short-circuiting on the way to his mouth. “Yes. Sure.”

Dan grins, leaning down to kiss Phil square on the lips. He licks down his neck, places kisses over his chest, and looks up at him from between his legs. He kisses along the trail of hair there, along the waistband of Phil’s pants. 

He pulls them down, Phil lifting his hips so he can get them all the way off. Dan’s eyes widen a bit at the sight of Phil’s cock.

He looks back up at Phil, face just a bit less calm than before. “Pass me a condom?” His voice is a bit shaky, so Phil reaches down to cup his chin as he grabs a packet from the bedside and opens it with his teeth.

“I can-” Dan holds his hands out. “Pass it to me.” 

Phil shrugs and tosses it over, hand moving from Dan’s cheek to his curls. “Breathe.” He says again, since Dan keeps forgetting.

Dan exhales. “Know how important this is to you. Mr. Safe Sex.” 

Phil wants to laugh, but then Dan is pushing a teasing hand over his cock, before sliding on the condom, and the humor of the situation leaves his mind. 

Dan gives head like he was made for it. And, God, Phil doesn’t want to put value on him just for his sexual abilities, he had spent enough time contemplating the ethics of a possible relationship between them that he’s sure his feelings for Dan are much more than just sexual. But Dan is fucking _good_ at this. He moves his mouth over Phil’s cock like its second nature, knowing exactly the way Phil needs it before he can even voice it.

Phil’s tugging on his hair again, which he felt guilty for until Dan starting moaning around him each time Phil pulled on a curl.

Phil’s stomach tenses, and he’s coming with a long, deep moan and his hands in Dan’s hair. His brain feel’s sparkly, like he’s been hooked up to electrical wires and Dan has just cranked them up to 11. Dan pulls off of him, wiping the drool from his chin and licking his swollen lips.

Dan smiles to himself, then lays beside the older boy as his chest rises and falls up and down quickly. Phil gets up and disposes of the condom in the bin, hands fumbling around it as he rushes to jump back into bed with Dan.

His arm’s surround the smaller boy, pulling his cheek to rest onto his naked chest. Dan smiles, much bigger this time, as he lays and listens to Phil’s breathing. He inhales through his nose, reveling in the warm comforting smell of the older. 

“Can we stay here forever?”

The sound of a car door slamming makes them both flinch, Dan springing up from his spot on Phil’s chest.

“Fucking- _get dressed_!” Dan throws Phil’s pants at him, who pulls them on and scrambles to find his jeans and t-shirt. They both dress in a frenzy of clothes, panicking as they hear Cole’s steps get closer to the house. 

Phil kisses him quickly and pushes him down onto the bed. “Stay here, okay?”

Dan nods, and Phil practically jumps down the steps, making a break for the lounge and dropping onto the sofa. 

He lands just as Cole enters, walking in towards Phil and sitting down next to him.

“How’d it go with Danny?”

“Hm?” Phil tries to swallow the crack in his voice. “Oh, yeah, good. He’s definitely being, um, safe.”

Cole nods. “Thanks, mate. I really appreciate you having that talk with him.”

“Of course.” Phil shoves his hands in his pockets as if they’ll expose him, as if somehow Cole will look down and see that they’ve touched Dan everywhere. “I’m glad you could trust me with that.”

Cole slaps a hand on his shoulder. “I trust you with everything, mate. Especially with Danny. Sometimes I think you know him better than me.”

 _Oh_ , Phil thinks, _you have no idea_.

“Kinda blows that my little brother is pulling more than us right now, though.”

Phil chokes on his spit. 

“Yeah, totally.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos appreciated! or reblog on tumblr [@sadlybunny](https://www.sadlybunny.tumblr.com)


	4. dirty little secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil are disgustingly happy.

Cole has long since gone to sleep, Phil lying alone on the sofa. He’s not sure if Dan is awake, but he hopes he’s staying up just like Phil is. He’s waiting, being overly safe, making sure that Cole has dipped into heavy sleeping before he goes to join Dan in his bedroom.

Before he can pull his phone out and text Dan, he hears a creak in the steps. He looks up to see the small boy, wearing an oversized jumper, toeing gently down the stairs.

They make eye contact from across the bannister and both break out into dopey smiles. Dan rushes over, seating himself in Phil’s lap and connecting their lips. They’re both grinning too much to really kiss, but their lips are pressed together nonetheless. 

Dan pulls away eventually, smiling fondly as he brushes a hand through Phil’s black quiff. 

“Come cuddle?” 

Phil nods, lifting Dan from the couch. The boy’s arms and legs wrap around him, sighing contentedly into his neck.

He gets Dan back into his room, laying him down gently and snuggling up beside him. Dan crawls into his lap immediately, locking their lips together and laying his chest on Phil’s. Phil rubs his back, just enjoying the way he can touch Dan now. No more wishing, no more wanting, he just can.

Dan pulls away to smile at him, then rests his head on Phil’s neck, his arms resting on his shoulders and legs bending at the knees to rest on either side of Phil’s hips.

“This is a solid cuddle.” Phil says, muffled by Dan’s hair.

The younger boy giggles into Phil’s neck. “Will you sleep here?”

Phil sighs, considering it. He wants to, more than anything. Wants to wake up and have Dan be the first thing he sees in the morning. 

“I’ll have to wake up early and move down to the sofa.” 

Dan nods, lifting his head up to kiss him. “But you’ll do that for me, right?” He nibbles at Phil’s earlobe.

Phil can’t hide his grin. “You _are_ a fucking brat, aren’t you?” He pokes a finger into Dan’s dimple. “You just have to have your way.”

Dan blushes, attempting to hide it in Phil’s hand. “I just want to fall asleep with you.”

Phil pulls him back against his chest.

“Me too, baby.” 

Dan’s head shoots back up, and Phil laughs at the repetition. “I like when you call me that.”

A shiver runs up Phil’s spine. “Yeah?” The boy nods. 

“Alright.” Dan lays against him again, burrowing into his neck. “Goodnight, baby.”

Dan smiles. “Goodnight.”

-

Phil is working at the cinema about three weeks later when his phone starts buzzing incessantly in his back pocket. He knows without looking that it’s probably Dan, blowing him up about something random that came to his mind. 

It's been like this all three weeks. When they aren’t together at Dan’s or Phil’s, they text or Skype for hours. It's been amazing, almost too perfect, Phil thinks. He’s never been able to see so much of someone without becoming sick of them. They meet up at Phil’s when no one is home, cozying up in his room to kiss or watch random videos on his laptop. Occasionally, when Cole was out, they’d hang around in Dan’s room, trading blowjobs or grinding up against each other. 

Phil’s parents have caught on. They’ve noticed him smiling down at his phone too much to not say anything. They only know that it’s a boy Phil is texting all the time, and that he makes him very, very happy.

For now, they’re still without a label. But Phil intends to change that tonight when he asks to be Dan’s boyfriend.

He’s alone in the cinema foyer, only the sound of the popcorn machine whirring, so he pulls out his phone to check his texts.

**Dan**  
i miss you x

**Dan**  
not to sound needy or anything

**Dan**  
but i am. ;P

**Dan**  
i guess you already know that…

**Dan**  
im just thinking about you.

**Dan**  
not in ‘that way’ tho 

**Dan**  
i guess it could be ‘that way’

**Dan**  
u always look so hot  
in ur work uniform

**Dan**  
but i wish you were here  
wearing it not there.

**Dan**  
pay attention to me DD:

**Dan**  
god i am needy

**Dan**  
but only for u

**Dan**  
i wish i was on my knees  
for u rn

**Dan**  
have i told you how much i   
like when you put your hand  
in my hair and pull me  
forwards on ur cock?

**Dan**  
thats so fucking hot babe x

Phil shivers at the messages, exhaling through his nose as he reads the boy’s words. That’s as far as they’ve gone, blowing each other (once at the same time, though). Dan seemed to love it. He always begged for more, begged for Phil to fuck him, but he wanted to wait until he felt like Dan was absolutely sure. That it wasn’t just in the heat of the moment.

**Phil**  
Jesus Dan are you trying  
to get me fired

**Dan**  
maybe. 

**Dan**  
if it means you’ll come  
over so i can suck ur cock

**Phil**  
my parents aren’t home  
actually

**Dan**  
then i’ll come to urs xxx

**Phil**  
I guess you could go wait  
for me until my shift is over

**Dan**  
yay :D

**Phil**  
Bc I have a surprise for you :)

**Dan**  
ooh 

**Dan**  
what is it???

**Phil**  
Won’t be a surprise if I  
tell you baby

**Dan**  
sigh

Phil laughs as he pockets his phone again, then takes the order from the couple that had just entered the foyer. 

His supervisor comes out from the break room and waits until he’s done serving them to approach him.

“You’re still deep cleaning the popcorn machines tonight?” 

Phil turns, closing the machine and righting the paper containers. “Yep. Anything else extra you wanted me to do?”

“Nope.” She grabs a bucket of cleaning supplies for the ticket window and smiles. “That’s the deal we made. Just make sure you lock everything up after.”

He nods. “Of course.”

She makes her way across the foyer to the ticket booth. “And Phil?”

“Yeah?” He looks over to her questioningly. 

“If you have sex in my theatre, I’ll seriously fire you.”

He blushes. “Yeah, I know.”

-

Phil joins Dan at his house a few hours later once he’s done cleaning the popcorn machines. He finds the boy laying in his bed, on his phone and waiting for him. He’s wearing one of Phil’s jumpers, layered with a white collared shirt under it and some ripped up denim shorts. 

Phil walks over, climbing in between the boys legs on the bed. He sets his phone down and smiles up at him, allowing Phil to lean down and kiss him softly.

Dan hooks his ankles behind Phil, scratching his nails over the nape of his neck and inhaling through his nose.

He pulls away, crinkling his nose. “You smell like burnt popcorn.”

Phil laughs. “I know.” He wiggles out of Dan’s grip and loosens his tie. “I’m gonna take a quick shower, then we’ll go to the surprise, okay?”

Dan perks up at that. “Okay.” He stands up to kiss Phil again. “Want me to join you?”

Phil giggles, hands squeezing at his hips. “No, baby. I’ll only be ten minutes.”

Dan frowns. “Fine.”

-

They’re picking up food from a nearby restaurant. Dan thought this was the surprise, at first, a nice dinner together at Phil’s. He was happy with that, but Phil assures him that they’re taking the food _to_ the surprise.

They take Phil’s car, which they don’t do often, and Phil slips a blindfold over Dan’s eyes before they start driving. They arrive at their destination, Phil guiding him out of the car and into whatever building they’re going to.

Dan can hear a rattling of keys, a guiding hand on the small of his back pushing him through a threshold. He sniffs, eyebrows furrowing as he tries to clue in to where he is.

“Are we…” He sniffs again. “At the cinema?”

Phil huffs, pulling the blindfold from Dan’s eyes. “I forgot about the popcorn smell.” 

He’s got a bag by his side, along with their food. The cinema is completely empty, and every light is off as well. Phil grabs his hand, leading him down to a theatre. 

They enter the dark theatre, and Dan can’t deny that he’s a little bit terrified of the dark room. He grips Phil’s hand a little tighter. Phil grips back, rubbing his thumb over the back of Dan’s hand and kissing his knuckles as they enter the theatre.

They approach the center aisle, where Phil throws a blanket over the wide wheelchair accessible step along with some pillows. He sets their food down, leading Dan to sit on one of the pillows. 

“I’m going to go play the film.” He stands, tousling Dan’s curls and walking to the booth to start the film up. 

-

They’re cuddled up together for the whole film, eating their food and kissing lazily on the steps of the theatre. As the credits roll, Phil pulls Dan into his lap and kisses his forehead, carding his hands through his curly hair and scratching his scalp. Dan sighs, letting his eyes flutter shut as Phil pets his hair.

“Did you enjoy the surprise?”

Dan nods, still grinning stupidly. “Thank you, Philly.”

He giggles, pulling Dan down into a kiss. 

Dan leans down, elbows bracketing Phil’s head, and slips his tongue into Phil’s mouth. He swivels his hips a bit, and Phil groans.

“We can’t do anything here, my boss will murder me.”

“Okay.” He smooches Phil’s nose and sits back on his thighs. “Then can we leave?”

Phil laughs, hand stroking Dan’s leg. “I wanted to talk to you about something first.”

Dan nods, climbing off of Phil’s lap and laying beside him. 

“Well, I really like spending time with you, Dan.” He grabs the boy’s hand and pulls it onto his stomach. “You make me the happiest I’ve ever been.”

He smiles at Phil, squeezing his hand. “Same.”

“I know there’s some complications here, but I want to make us official, if you do. Can I be your boyfriend?”

Dan grins, nodding and climbing back into Phil’s lap. “Yes.” He repeats it like a mantra, muffled by Phil’s lips and neck, giggling and blushing at his boyfriend.

His boyfriend.

He quite liked the sound of that.

-

His entire bedroom feels like Dan. It smells like him, looks like him, like a fog of Dan had settled in the room since they got back from the cinema. He’s so warm, and their naked skin sticks together as they both sweat in the hot room.

Phil wishes he could live in this moment forever, Dan’s tiny breaths of pleasure, his eyes closed tightly, the way he scratches Phil’s back as he rocks into him. 

Dan is breathing heavily under him, clinging onto Phil for dear life. Phil can’t stop checking up on his, slowing down his thrusts and stroking down Dan’s face. Asking him if he’s okay, if he wants to stop, as if for some reason Dan will change his mind and ask his boyfriend to stop fucking him like he hasn’t been begging for it for the last three weeks. And he gets it, its their first time together, and Dan’s first time ever, but he can’t help but wish Phil would get on with it and make him come. 

He voices this, and Phil huffs a laugh. “I don’t want to hurt you, baby.”

“You won’t hurt me, c’mon.” He rubs his hands over Phil’s tattooed arms. “Please, Philly. Fuck me harder.”

Phil groans, placing a hand under Dan’s hips to lift him from the bed slightly. He fucks into Dan faster, harder, not as much as he possibly could, but at least what he considers pushing it for Dan’s first time. His boyfriend moans his name loudly, wrapping his hands around Phil’s neck and pulling him into a messy kiss. Phil’s hand moves to his cock, tugging on it relentlessly until Dan comes into his hand with a loud moan.

He’s saying Phil’s name like it's a prayer, like he needs to say it to breathe, like it's the last thing he’ll ever say. He gasps as Phil thrusts into him, encouraging him to keep going, don’t stop, _don’t ever stop_ even as it starts to burn. Phil bites his shoulder as he comes inside Dan.

He shudders as Phil pulls out of him, leaning over the side of the bed to dispose of the condom.

He immediately pulls Dan into a cuddle, rubbing up and down his soft, slightly sweaty arms. He kisses the nape of Dan’s neck, his shoulders, his back, his hair, telling him how good he was and how he was so lucky to be Dan’s boyfriend.

“Mmm.” He kisses Dan’s ear, pulling him impossibly closer. “Can’t believe you’re mine.”

Dan smiles softly, reaching back to put a hand over Phil’s hip. “And you’re mine.”

Phil grins into his hair. “That’s right.” 

They fall asleep pressed tightly together, Dan completely wrapped up in Phil. His body _and_ his mind, since now Phil was all he thought about. He feels safe here, in Phil’s arms. Just like he did when he was sixteen, with only a few small differences. Somehow he felt deep inside of him that this was right, that this was where he was meant to be, now and forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a soft ending for a short lil chapter since the last few are hella long and a bit intense. see you on monday :)  
> comments and kudos always appreciated <3  
> or reblog on tumblr [@sadlybunny](https://www.sadlybunny.tumblr.com)  
> -bunny x


	5. fall for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter dates and love bites and things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi caitlin i know youre reading this and even tho im kinda mad at you for sleuthing real hard to find my ao3 im glad you liked my writing anyways pls don’t make fun of me in the groupchat for this chapter okay ly

“Mate.” 

Phil and Cole are seated on opposite ends of the sofa, legs tangled together under the blanket for warmth. It's a chilly December, so far. The snow isn’t that deep yet but it's definitely there. It made him think of Dan’s skin. Glistening, and perfectly untouched. Something he wants to bury his face into that will leave his cheeks flushed pink. He wants to leave footprints in the snow, ruin the pure and smooth surface. He _has_ , he’s left irreversible marks in Dan. They’re watching a show, Dan is out with his friends. Phil wishes he was here.

Phil turns to Cole. “What?”

Cole pushes up from the sofa and climbs onto Phil’s legs, crawling over him. He hooks a finger in the collar of Phil’s shirt and tugs it down slightly.

Phil bats his hand away. “What are you-”

“Is that a hickey?” 

Figures that it would be in such a perfect spot, a bare place right where his neck and shoulders connect. Of course Dan would have given him a love bite there, and every other place on his neck and chest that wasn’t covered in ink.

Phil’s face blushes completely red. “I don’t know what you’re-”

“Oh my God, it is.” Cole is pushing against his hands, trying to grab at his collar again. He gets a hold of it and tugs it forward, peeking inside his shirt. He can barely make out small purple marks over Phil’s upper body, in the spaces that aren’t taken up by tattoos. 

“Jesus, you’re covered in them!” 

“Alright,” Phil shoves him back. “Are you going to ground me, mum?” 

“I might!” Cole pulls the blanket away. “Why haven’t you told me about him?” 

Phil opens his mouth as he flounders for an explanation, anything. But the front door opens then, letting a cold gust of air into the house. Dan enters, in that pair of adorable lilac dungarees that Phil loves with a black jumper underneath. He momentarily forgets the situation of peril he’s in, taking a moment to appreciate his boyfriend, before he remembers and scrambles to distract. 

“Dan!” He watches the boy hang his coat and slip off his shoes. “Come watch this show with us. How was seeing your friends?”

Dan gives him a weird look. It was abnormal for them to interact so conspicuously around Cole. They were often too nervous that they’d give something away to say more than a few words to each other. 

Cole snorts. “Oh, fuck off, mate.” He turns to watch Dan enter the lounge and sit on the armchair. “Danny, he’s only asking because he’s trying to avoid my question.”

Phil is pleading Dan with his eyes. “What question?” He asks innocently.

Cole snatches the collar of Phil’s shirt again and pulls it down. “What little minx left these all over him.” He grins and pushes a finger into one, making Phil shove his hands away again.

Dan blushes. “Maybe he doesn’t want to talk about it.” He pulls his socked feet onto the armchair, curling into himself. 

“That would be weird.” Cole huffs. “He always tells me about the guys he hooks up with. It's kind of annoying, honestly.” He’s looking up at Phil, who keeps glancing nervously over to Dan. Dan’s eyebrows are raised, arms crossed.

“Annoying? ‘Cause it happens so much?” 

Phil glares over at him. “I don’t know if this is an appropriate conversation.”

“Pish, Phil, Danny is an adult now.” He turns to face his brother. “Phil was kind of a slut at uni.” Phil smacks the back of his head. “But we love him anyway.” Phil struggles to push Cole off as he tries to hug him. 

He turns to Dan. “Firstly, being a slut is not a bad thing. And, I was not a _slut_ , I was just _exploring my sexuality_.”

Cole snorts. “Yeah you were definitely exploring something. Hey, remember that guy who had a thing for, like, ropes and gags and stuff? God, you would not stop raving about-”

Phil shoves a hand over his mouth. “Shut up, _shut up_!” Cole is licking his palm but he doesn’t flinch. 

“No,” Dan is grinning. “Keep going.”

Cole rips Phil’s hand away. “Remember the candle wax guy? You loved candle wax guy.” Cole thinks. “Well, maybe you didn’t love him. But you loved his candles.” 

Phil smacks him again. “Stop hitting me!” Cole crawls to the other side of the sofa again. “Even though I know you’re into that.”

 _That tears it_ , Phil thinks, and he tackles Cole. They crash down onto the carpet, Phil fitting his hand back over Cole’s mouth. He almost wants to scream, “ _I’m fucking your brother!_ ” just to shut him up, but he’s sane enough to catch himself before he does. Cole is cackling against his hand, and Dan is laughing over on the armchair. 

“I feel attacked!” Phil releases Cole and sits back onto the sofa. “You’re brothers, it's not fair.” He huffs.

Cole laughs from his place on the floor, leaning his back onto the sofa. “Sorry, Philly.” He cringes at the nickname. “I’m just messing with ya.” 

“Well, don’t.” 

He returns to the sofa next to Phil and pats his knee. “I am actually sorry, mate.” Phil shrugs and murmurs a thanks. “But why won’t you tell me about this guy?”

“He’s…” Dan looks up at him. He’s clearly curious about what Phil is going to say. “We’re being private about it, for now.”

“So you’re not just hooking up?”

“No, he’s…” He glances over to Dan on the sofa. “He’s my boyfriend.”

They both smile.

“That’s great!” Cole pats his back. “I will have to meet him eventually, though.” 

Phil nods. “Of course. Someday.” 

Dan grins at him and winks. Cole looks over from the telly to Dan and smiles. “How are things with Samuel, then?”

Dan cocks his head. “Oh. Great. Yeah, I really, really like him.”

And Phil knows that he’s not talking about Samuel, that he’s talking about him, but it still causes a twinge of jealousy in his stomach. He really, really does not like Samuel.

“I don’t have to check your neck too, do I, Danny?

Danny laughs nervously and bats his brothers hands away as they travel to his collar. Cole furrows his brow and shoves the jumper down, exposing the expanse of large bruises across his chest. 

“Danny! What the fuck?” 

“Cole!” He tugs his jumper back onto his neck. “Why would you do that?”

“Why are you covered in love bites?” He’s blushing hard now, he must have really not been expecting to see that.

“So is Phil!”

“Phil’s not my kid brother!”

“Weren’t you the one that told him to give me ‘the talk’?” Dan crosses his arms, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at his ridiculous older brother. “Clearly you must know that I’m having sex.” 

“Ahh!” Cole covers his ears. “Don’t talk about it! You’re my brother!” 

Dan rolls his eyes and stands up. He starts to the kitchen, giving Phil a glance to follow him.

Phil stands. “You don’t have to be so weird about it.”

“I guess so.” Cole sighs. “It's just like, he’s still so innocent in my head. Plus, I don’t like Samuel.”

Phil wants to smile. Surely his older brother nature had picked up on Samuels bad vibes, too. It didn’t matter, of course, since Dan had dumped Samuel weeks ago. But it comforts him to know that it wasn’t just jealousy, Samuel really did seem like a prick.

“Trust me,” Phil pats his shoulder. “I don’t either.”

He trails after Dan into the kitchen, sliding an arm around his boyfriend’s waist. “What’s up?”

“This is why I don’t want to tell him yet.” Dan sighs, letting his head roll back onto Phil’s shoulder. He hopes Cole won’t get up to follow them, he feels safe right now in his boyfriend’s arms.

“I know, baby,” He kisses the younger boy’s hair. “Let’s just enjoy our little world for now, okay?”

He nods. “I like that idea.”

-

They’re laying on Dan’s bed, curled up together and watching Netflix on his laptop. Cole was out, at a girl’s house he had mentioned a while ago. He joined a dating app, telling Phil that he felt left out now that him and Danny both had boyfriends. 

Dan is stroking down his chest under his shirt, running his fingers through the coarse hair there. Some film is playing, but neither boy is really paying attention.

“So… candle wax?”

Phil groans and flops his head back onto the pillow.

“Seriously, is that a thing for you?” Dan climbs over him and runs his hands through Phil’s quiff.

“Cole doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” He lets Dan laugh at him, kiss over his neck, and poke at his sides. “It was one time, and I wasn’t even _that_ into it.”

“But you are into it.”

Phil buries his head into Dan’s armpit. “No. But I’d try anything once.”

“But you liked… the other stuff.” 

Phil looks up at him. “Yeah. Is that...okay?”

Dan laughs again. “Of course it's okay.” He kisses the side of his face, smoothing a hand over his chest again in an attempt to calm him. 

“I don’t want you to think we need to… do any of that stuff.” He lets his eyes shut as Dan continues to touch him. “I like how we do it.”

“I like how we do it, too.” Dan connects their lips. “But I’m definitely not opposed to… trying new things.”

Phil considers this. They’re good, for now. But maybe in the future he’d like to see Dan like that, tied up and waiting for him. 

“Hmm.” He kisses Dan again, hugging him tighter. “Someday.”

-

They were hanging out the night before. They often savored every moment they had together, trying to stay together as long as they could. The boys ended up falling asleep, Phil’s arm slung around Dan’s waist. 

Dan liked sleeping in Phil’s room. The darkness didn’t seem so dark, with all the bright colors and posters around. It’s warm here, too. He almost forgets how cold it's supposed to be.

He wakes up peacefully, feeling content with Phil’s arm pulling him tight against his chest. It hasn’t quite registered yet, that he’s still in Phil’s room. For now, he’s just enjoying the warmth and softness of it all.

Phil wakes shortly after, his lips puckering as he feels Dan’s breath on his face. His eyes open slowly, taking in the sight before him. Dan looks beautiful like this, the sun just barely coming in through the windows, his curly hair all mussed from the pillow.

His eyes widen, suddenly. “We fell asleep.”

Dan looks confused for a moment before it registers. He sits up and pulls his phone out. “Cole’s been texting me.” Phil watches him type furiously.

“What’d you tell him?” Phil asks, still a bit groggy form just waking up.

“At Samuel’s.” He’s still typing. “It's what he assumed anyway.”

Phil nods. “I don’t like him.” He mutters, poking Dan’s stomach.

He glances up at Phil, finishes typing out whatever he was saying to Cole, and sets his phone down. “Are you jealous, Philly?” He crawls over him, bracing Phil’s thighs with his knees. 

“Maybe a little.”

Dan grins. “I like that you’re jealous.” He leans down to attach their lips, hands slipping under his shirt. His fingers are cold, and Phil winces a bit when they make contact with his chest.

It happens in a flash. “Philip?” His door swings open. “Oh, blimey!” His mum steps back into the hall, pulling the door in front of her without closing it.

Dan’s eyes have gone wide, and he pulls himself off of Phil to sit at the end of the bed. “Did- was that your mum?”

“Don’t mind me, boys!” She peeks her head around the door. “Daniel, will you be staying for breakfast?” 

He hesitates, glancing over to Phil. He shrugs uselessly. “Sure. Thanks, Kath.” 

She smiles, stepping further into the room to cup his cheek. “Of course, sweetie.”

“Mum!” 

“Sorry, sorry. I’ll make myself scarce.” She sighs before taking one last glance at Dan. “Oh, I’m just so glad it’s you, Daniel.” She closes the door behind herself.

They smile at each other. Phil opens his arms, and Dan happily skips over to climb in his lap.

-

Winter is amazing when you have a boyfriend, Phil decides. Even though they can’t have Christmas dinner together, with Dan going to his grandmother’s and Phil joining the rest of his family, it's still magical when they do get to see each other. 

Phil drives to Dan’s late Christmas night, two steaming cups of peppermint hot chocolate and his gift for Dan in hands. He sneaks up to Dan’s room, which doesn’t really feel like sneaking because he unlocked the front door with the key Cole had given him. They exchange gifts, (and lots of chocolate flavored kisses) Phil giving Dan a nice camera to work on his photography, and Dan giving Phil a frame filled with photos of them that he’s gotten professionally printed. He goes home later, opening the frame like Dan had told him to, and finds an envelope in the back with a heartfelt note and some polaroids that he’d definitely be keeping in his bedside table. His boyfriend suits bunny ears well.

-

Dan grasps at the blue and green sheets under him, hissing and sighing with pleasure each time his front is pushed into the bed. His piercings catch on the bedding, shooting jolts of pleasure through his body. Phil is behind him, holding his arms above his head on the mattress as he moves in and out of the younger. 

Dan starts moving his hips, grinding himself against the bed while meeting Phil’s thrusts. Phil lets out a deep, gruff moan, laying his body onto Dan’s and nipping at his sensitive neck. 

“God, you’re so good, Dan. Feels so good.”

Dan can feel tears pricking his eyes. He’s not sure why, whether its the intense feeling of it all, the love he has for Phil, or if its just that fucking good. Feeling and hearing Phil take him from behind, along with the friction from the bed on his piercings and his dick. 

He lets out a moan, but the sound is broken and off. Phil slows down a bit, dragging his hand down Dan’s spine.

“Are you-”

“Keep going, please. Oh, God, please go faster, Phil.” He obliges, bending over to kiss down Dan’s neck again. He almost screams, the moan from his mouth coming from deep inside his soul. He takes a moment to thank the universe that Phil’s parents are out, because that sound would have come out whether or not Phil’s hand was slapped over his mouth.

“Phil, oh my God, I love you. I love you, Phil.” 

He hopes the way he flips Dan over to connect their lips and finish him off sends the right message.

-

Dan takes Phil ice skating in the beginning of January. Going out like this was rare, since they were often too on edge to be together in public. They enjoyed being at each other’s homes, alone together, but it was nice to get out like this, too. 

Phil is so very clumsy on ice skates, clinging to his boyfriend helplessly as he expertly moves around the rink. Dan is so elegant, so pretty, and Phil feels like a newborn giraffe.

“It's fine,” Dan tells him. “I like helping you.”

Phil huffs. He feels ridiculous. But he can still appreciate the way Dan holds his hands as they slowly make their way around the other people skating around the rink. He likes his big, warm hands. 

He pulls them over to stop so Phil can catch his breath. They picked a day when it would be relatively empty, so they don’t feel bad about being in anyone’s way. Dan guides him off of the ice to a bench where they remove their skates. “Okay?” He stands and pulls Phil up. 

Phil nods. “I’m okay. You’re pretty.” 

He laughs, that sharp, loud sound that Phil loves so much, and kisses the cold tip of Phil’s nose.

He stares into those honey-brown eyes. The feelings overtake him. Phil has no doubt in his mind, at this moment, that he is in love with this boy. “I love you, Dan.” He breathes, pulling him into a kiss.

Dan grins against his lips, hooking his arms around his neck. 

“Danny?” 

They both flinch, stepping backwards from each other and turning to the source of the voice.

It’s Cole.

“What the fuck?” 

They’re silent. No one knows what to say. He can tell Cole is fuming, and he glances over him to see a blonde girl on his arm. He must have been bringing her here on a date. Cole mutters something to the girl, who looks confused and pretty upset, and marches off.

“What the fuck?” Cole repeats.

Phil steps forward. “Cole, I can explain-”

“Like hell you can!” He grabs Dan’s arm and pulls him close. “Danny. We’re going home.”

“No, we’re not!” He tries and fails to struggle from his brother’s grip. “What the fuck, Cole? Let me go!”

He pulls Danny closer. “We’re going. Home. Don’t make a scene.” 

“Cole-” Phil starts, putting a calming hand on Dan’s shoulder.

“Don’t.” He pulls Dan away. “Don’t fucking talk to me. Don’t come over. I mean it. You better stay away from us.”

“Phil. Don’t listen to him.” He’s still trying to shove his brother away, to no avail. “Cole, you’re insane! I’m an adult! What the fuck are you doing?”

People are starting to stare. Phil feels dizzy, like he’s going to fall over. It’s hard to believe that only seconds ago, Phil was confessing his love for the boy. They’d been caught. They didn’t want it to go like this. They wanted to be able to tell Cole themselves.

“An adult? You’re 18 fucking years old!” He throws his and Dan’s skates down. “I won’t let him take advantage of you. We’re going _home_.”

Cole is pulling Dan away. He keeps turning back to Phil, and Cole yanks him forward each time. He watches the whole time as Dan and Cole disappear into the street, still processing the whole situation and attempting to breathe. 

He has no idea how he’s going to fix this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come say hi on tumblr [@sadlybunny](https://www.sadlybunny.tumblr.com) for a kiss on the lips  
> so i made a [spotify playlist for this story](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3CmFjPmVrzVCeNf1WFTHiQ?si=QOzw-Rl8Tl6hrOyfHnZ22g) it’s mostly just the songs that title each chapter and songs that remind me of it. i will warn you that my music taste is like... everywhere. (the last song is a joke i swear)  
> -bunny x


	6. daylight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you. I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you. I've been sleepin' so long in a twenty-year dark night. And now I see daylight, I only see daylight..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i made a [spotify playlist for this story](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3CmFjPmVrzVCeNf1WFTHiQ?si=QOzw-Rl8Tl6hrOyfHnZ22g). it’s mostly just the songs that title each chapter and songs that remind me of it. i will warn you that my music taste is like... everywhere.

It has been two weeks since Cole caught Dan and Phil at the ice skating rink. Phil’s birthday was quickly approaching, and he only hoped that he’d at least have his boyfriend back before that day. His best friend, too, would be ideal. But he had a feeling that was just a wild fantasy at this point.

He pulls out his phone, laying back against his headboard. It's late, but he knows Dan is up. This was when they could talk the most without being interrupted, without Cole watching Dan like a hawk.

**Phil**  
I miss you so  
fucking much.

He sighs, climbing under the duvet and pulling it around his shoulders. His phone buzzes back, a noise that had started to instantly make a grin spread across his face these past few weeks.

**Dan**  
i miss u more hunny x

He’s ridiculous. The way he speaks to Phil nearly makes him forget about their situation each time. Obviously it's less than ideal, but they both agreed that they should let Cole calm down a bit before they try to do any fixing up. Dan makes it bearable, with the sweet pictures he sends and late night skype calls and various pet names he’s started trying out on Phil to decide on a favorite.

His phone starts buzzing for long stretches. He does actually smile, this time, because he’s going to be able to hear Dan’s voice. They don’t get to do this every night.

He answers the call. “Hi darling.” 

“Hi, hun.” He sounds tired. He can hear a rustling of sheets, Phil figures he’s getting ready to sleep as well. 

“I’m ‘hun’, today, am I?”

“Mm,” Dan agrees. “For now. Still feeling it out.”

“I like this one. Best one so far.” Much better than the failed attempts from the past week, Phil thinks. But Dan is determined to find a pet name for Phil, for some reason. It's cute, Phil thinks, that he wants that so badly. Most of all, it makes their relationship feel more real, which is coveted by both boys right now since they haven’t seen each other in two weeks.

“I can do better, I think. We’ll get there.”

“Yeah? What else have you got?” Phil figured he had to run out of different variations of ‘babe’ and ‘love’ soon enough, right?

“Mm. Sweetheart?”

“Seems cheesy.”

He thinks for a moment. “Lovebug?”

Phil cringes. “That’s like, my mum calls me that.”

“ _Daddy_?”

He fakes a gag into the speaker. “I almost just threw my phone across the room you horrible, horrible boy.”

“Am I being naughty, Daddy?” He purrs, giggling uncontrollably now. It was really easy to rile Phil up.

“Shut up!” He switches the phone to speaker and gets comfortable. “I _will_ hang up on you, Daniel.”

“You gonna punish me? Maybe you need to come over and spank me, Daddy.”

Phil grunts. The name definitely was not for him. (Although, maybe the idea of turning Dan over his knee was.) “You’ve had your fun, quit it or you’ll get what’s coming to you.”

“Is that a threat or a-” Dan cuts himself off. Phil figures he’s turned away from his phone, what with the way his voice becomes muffled. He goes silent, trying to listen to whatever Dan is saying but failing to make any words out.

He hears Dan’s door click closed. “That was Cole.” He sighs into the phone.

“What did he say?”

“He’s going to bed.”

That’s odd, Phil thinks. Usually Cole would have already been asleep by now. That’s why, he assumed, him and Dan were able to be flirting on the phone. From the years of sleepovers, and the short amount of time Phil and Cole lived together, he had always known Cole to turn in quite early. 

“It’s a bit late for him to be going to sleep.”

“He’s got a girl over. The blonde from…” They both try to keep their minds from replaying that moment. It hurts Phil especially, still, to remember the way his best friend had looked at him with such disgust. The way Dan reached for him as he was dragged away. The way he wanted so badly to chase after them, to scoop Dan into his arms and kiss his damp eyelids. “From the other week.”

“Oh, really?” He’s a bit surprised, in all honesty, that they were still together. The girl had not looked happy to have had their date canceled two weeks ago. And, Cole wasn’t exactly known for his long-lasting relationships (besides his friendship with Phil, of course). “Does he seem happy?”

“I can tell he misses you. He wouldn’t admit that, though.” Dan mutters.

“I want to come over and talk to him soon.” In his mind, he feels like the feelings have simmered down a bit since the event at the rink. The emotions aren’t quite as high. “Doesn't it seem like a good time? He’s got a lady now, and he’s had plenty of time to cool down.” 

Dan sighs. They’ve had this conversation already, a few times since they were separated. “Phil, no. I don’t want you to come yet. What if he gets mad? I don’t want you guys to fight.”

And Phil has tried to debate this a few times already, too. “Then what am I supposed to do, Dan? Just wait until you move out to see you? Never talk to my best friend again?” 

“I just don’t want it to get any worse.” Dan’s voice is small, afraid.

“Waiting isn’t doing anything. Do you want to just keep talking on the phone forever?”

“Of course not! But I don't want you guys to blow up on each other.”

Phil wouldn’t admit it, but he’s getting impatient. Each time they call Phil asks when they can try to talk to Cole, and each time Dan refuses. He can’t help it. He misses Dan and, hell, he misses _Cole_. Of course, he loves the nonstop conversations he’s been having with Dan. But it's understandable that he’d miss his best friend of fourteen years.

“You’re avoiding it. You’re scared you’re going to have to choose.” 

“Of course I’m scared.”

“We’re going to have to confront him at some point, Daniel.” Maybe he’s being a bit much. Maybe he should just agree with Dan and tell him he loves him, like he does every other night. Maybe if he does Dan will indulge him in some phone sex, or better, Skype sex. Maybe he should stop being such a stubborn boyfriend.

“Stop talking to me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like- that tone that means you know everything because you’re, what? Four years older?” Dan is getting a bit louder now. He hopes Cole doesn’t hear.

(Or maybe he does. Maybe he hopes Cole will hear Dan talking and force him to hang up before Dan can get any more upset.)

“I’m not talking in any-”

“Yes you are!” He practically screeches, making Phil wince from the phone speaker at the volume.

“Danny-”

“There it is.”

He didn’t realize, at first, what he’d said. He’d slipped up a few times during their relationship, sure. But he said it differently this time. Like Dan didn't deserve to be called an adult’s name, because he was acting like a child. It made Phil feel like shit.

“...That was an accident.” 

“Sure it was.”

Phil purses his lips. He’s scared of how this is going, and he really, really doesn’t want to make Dan more angry. “Maybe we shouldn’t continue this conversation right now.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t continue this relationship if you’re not going to see me as your equal.” Dan spits. 

“Woah, Dan-”

“Just-” He sighs into the phone’s speaker. “We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”

Phil can’t be mad really, he deserves it. 

“...Alright.”

“Alright. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” He hesitates. “I lo-” Dan hangs up before he can finish.

He deserves it.

-

It’s worse the next morning. 

The night before, he could pretend it was all some stupid dream. That he didn’t let his emotions overcome him, and he didn’t upset his boyfriend. That Dan hadn’t mildly suggested that he didn’t see them as equals. That he hadn’t brought up the idea that they might possibly break up.

His mum can tell something is wrong. She brings him a cup of tea and pets his hair for a minute. She doesn’t even ask about Dan, she just knows. A mother’s intuition, or something like that. 

“Maybe you should call him, child.” She suggests, holding his head to her stomach as he sits on the bed. 

“Maybe later.”

He lets himself be comforted a little longer. He knows he was being stupid last night on the call, even if a little bit of truth did ring in his words, so he takes a moment to pretend that he’d done nothing wrong. It’s nice to let his mum hold him. He missed this. 

He thinks of Cole and Dan’s mum. His mum is holding him, his cheek resting against her soft jumper, and it almost makes him want to cry. He’s lucky to have her.

-

That night, Phil decides it's time to make things up to his boyfriend. He grabs his duvet and a coat and drives over to Dan’s.

He grabs a handful of gravel and steps up to Dan’s window. He takes each piece one by one, tossing it up to the window. He misses more often than not, but he gets a few solid pieces to ping against the glass.

Eventually he sees the curtain move, and Dan’s head pokes out soon after.

“Phil?” His hair is ruffled and his eyes are squinting. He was probably asleep moments ago, or about to be. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Come down!”

“Are you mad?” He’s smiling a bit, so Phil counts that as a win. “Cole is going to come down there and strangle you.”

“I don’t care if Cole sees, hears, whatever. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Get your cute butt down here so we can kiss and make up.”

Dan giggles. “Don’t be cheeky. I’m still upset with you.” He ducks inside his room a moment, throwing a jumper on. “I’m coming down.”

Phil grins, a bit chuffed that his plan was already working so well. He spreads his duvet over the damp grass, knowing he’ll have to wash it tonight but not really caring. He hears Dan’s soft footsteps approaching, but keeps his eyes trained on the stars above him. He’s laying down, and the duvet feels cold and wet against his back, but his boyfriend leans over him, and he catches a glimpse of those honey-brown eyes, and he really doesn’t mind.

“Hey gorgeous.”

Dan huffs a laugh, stepping onto the duvet and seating himself on Phil’s lap. “It's bloody freezing out here.” He smooths his hands over Phil’s chest, attempting to warm his fingers under his shirt.

“Hi, babe.” He leans down and kisses Phil softly, his big hands squeezing at Phil’s soft stomach. Phil pulls him into it, snaking his hands up around Dan’s back and pulling him down so they’re chest to chest.

“Stop it, I’m supposed to be cross with you.” Dan murmurs against his lips. 

“You don’t _have_ to be.” He insists, hands traveling down to slide into the back of Dan’s pants.

He flinches, pulling Phil’s hands away. “Your hands feel like icicles.”

Dan sits up completely, looking down at Phil from his spot on the older’s lap. “Are we gonna talk about it?”

“I’m sorry I pushed you.” Phil sighs. “I know you’re nervous, because he’s your brother, and you love him. And you love me. But I miss him. And I missed you, too.”

Dan frowns, pushing his fingers into Phil’s black hair. “This sucks.”

“I know.” Phil sits up a bit to press their lips together quickly. “I love you.”

“What are we gonna do?”

“We can wait longer, if that's what you want.” Dan sighs in relief and bends down to kiss him again. “But,” He cups Dan’s face to stop him. “We’re going to talk to him soon, okay?”

Dan nods. “Soon.”

-

Phil takes Dan out a week later. Dan uses his friends as an excuse for the long night, assuring Cole that he’s going out with the group to get out of the house.

They’d gone to Starbucks and headed back to Phil’s house after to play some video games. Phil’s mum was happy to see them together. 

“Hello, sweetie.” She pats the top of Dan’s head. “Nice to see you again.”

He smiles, polite and adorable. Phil wants to swim in his dimple. “Thank you, Mrs. Lester. I’m happy to see you as well.” 

“Suck up.” Phil pokes his cheek, deciding that if he can only get his finger in the dimple for now that would be enough. 

Mrs. Lester scoffs, flicking Phil’s forehead and returning her hand softly to Dan’s shoulder.

“Don’t listen to him, darling, he’s just jealous.” She snickers along with Dan as Phil rolls his eyes, standing up from the sofa and muttering something about a snack. 

She turns to Dan, hand still comfortingly on his shoulder. It’s like she knows, some instinct that tells her that Dan could really use some motherly love right about now. 

“So.” She walks from the back of the sofa to sit next to Dan. Her hand moves to his arm, stroking it softly. “What’s this situation with your brother, then?”

Dan sighs. The tears are already forming in his eyes, burning at his lids and threatening to run down his cheeks. He hasn’t been able to talk to anyone about this besides Phil. His friends certainly didn’t care, and his only parental figure was Cole. He supposes he could talk to his grandmother, but he didn’t want to hurt her by telling her he was fighting with Cole. They were all each other had left, and Dan still didn’t want to face reality.

“He just… doesn’t like that Phil and I are together. I honestly don’t know. He won’t really let me talk to him about it.”

She frowns, squeezing his arm just slightly. “I’m sure he’ll come ‘round. You’ll just have to get him to hear you out, no?”

Dan looks down at his lap, voice breaking a bit. “I suppose.” 

“Don’t fret, dear, come here.” She opens her arms to wrap him in a warm embrace. He lets a single tear roll down, the drop catching on her fuzzy jumper and disappearing. 

“He loves you, Dan. Your brother just cares for you so much, that’s why he’s upset.” 

Phil returns from the kitchen. His eye’s meet his mother’s over Dan’s shoulder, and she gives him a sympathetic look as she rubs his boyfriend’s back. She kisses his hair and pulls back, swiping her thumb under his eyes to dry his tears. Phil sits next to him, sliding a comforting arm around his waist. She smiles at this, happy to see her son caring for the younger boy.

She pats his cheek and wanders off, probably in a way she thinks is inconspicuous, “casually” making her way up the stairs and shutting her bedroom door loudly.

-

“I don’t think it's a good idea for me to come in, Dan.”

They’re stood outside the house, hand in hand, nose to nose. Neither wanted the night to end, but Phil knew that Dan wasn’t ready for them to confront Cole just yet. He had decided a week ago that he was done pressuring Dan, that he’d consider his feelings too. Meeting up in secret like this was better than meeting not at all.

“He won’t know, okay? We can just cuddle for a bit, then you can drive home.” Dan gives him those puppy dog eyes that make his knees weak. He is completely aware of the way he has Phil wrapped around his finger.

“Will we actually just cuddle and go our separate ways?” Phil raises his eyebrows doubtfully.

They’ve made this mistake before. Dan knows that if he decides to start kissing over Phil’s tattoos, he won’t be leaving tonight.

“Come inside.” He rolls his eyes and drags Phil in, shutting the door behind him.

-

Dan’s mouth is attached to Phil’s neck, his thighs on either side of his boyfriend’s hips. He nips at the skin there, sucking and biting to replace the faded bites from weeks before. Phil’s hands are wrapped around his torso, squeezing his sides every time he licks over a bruise. 

“Ah- Dan-” The younger boy bites down hard, dragging his hand up Phil’s chest to the back of his neck. “I- I should go home.”

“No.” He moves his mouth to Phil’s, slipping his tongue past his lips. He grinds his hips down, swallowing the moan that escapes out from his mouth. “Stay.”

And maybe it's unfair for Dan to do this, because he knows exactly what he needs to do to keep Phil from leaving. Especially now that they’re together, Dan is sure he won't be able to resist. It’s not like Dan’s birthday, when Phil was thinking more of Cole than the beautiful boy in his lap. Now, Dan barely needs to ask Phil to stay before he’s pulled closer and their night progresses, lights out and clothing thrown about the room.

They’re both in their pants now, Phil’s great plan to escape long since forgotten as his boyfriend presses his big hands down onto his cock. It would be embarrassing how quickly Phil gets hard if it hadn’t had been so long since they had been able to have sex. Cyber sex is nowhere near as electrifying, they both seem to remember at the same time.

Dan pulls back, their lips disconnecting with a string of spit lewdly dripping between them. “Still wanna leave?” He asks, pouting his bottom lip and taking a hold of Phil under his pants.

“Shut up.” Phil sighs. He closes his eyes and lays back onto the pillow. He won’t deny that he’s being lazy, but he’s tired. It's nice to let Dan take care of him.

Dan swings a leg over his hips, pressing their crotches together through their pants. 

He leans down to kiss Phil again. “Can I ride you tonight?” Dan breathes into his mouth, chest heaving from the forceful kiss.

Phil pulls away this time to look up at him. His beautiful boyfriend, sitting on top of him with little silver bars in his nipples and pink, glowing cheeks. His hair is frizzy and pushed back from Phil’s hands, and that pretty red spot on his jaw is lit up a beautiful blushing red. It just feels _right_ for Dan to be here on him. It’s almost scary, Phil thinks, how intensely he feels everything when he’s around Dan. They’ve only been together for what, three months? But he’s just so completely taken with this boy. He can feel it deep inside him, that this is more than any relationship he’s had in the past. It’s a bit early for the word “forever”, but it teases at the tip of his tongue nonetheless. Every time he’s with Dan, he feels and sees and hears “forever”.

“Earth to Phil?” He boops Phil’s nose with his finger. “Did I lose you?”

His consciousness returns, hands automatically rubbing over the small of Dan's back and his bum. “Sorry...no. I mean- yes! Yes, please.”

Dan smiles, smooching him quickly before making quick work of removing his pants and grabbing the lube from his bedside. Phil thinks, as Dan lubes up his fingers and starts stretching himself, that this is definitely a sight he could get used to. That word again, “forever”, starts peeking back into his mind. He mostly just feels lucky, smoothing a hand over his dick lazily as Dan attempts to keep quiet while he fingers himself. 

Phil inhales the scent of Dan as he leans over Phil to grab a condom. He drags a hand over Dan’s piercings as he uses those big hands to roll it over Phil.

“You’re so pretty, Dan.” He mutters, still fondling a piercing as Dan throws his pants away and shifts up towards Phil on his knees. He laughs, kissing Phil on the nose, before leaning back to start sinking down onto Phil’s cock.

Phil lets out a noise as if he’d just got the wind knocked out of him. His hands move to Dan’s wide hips, fingertips pressing into the soft flesh there. 

Dan grips his shoulders when he’s finally ready to move, one hand rubbing over the tattoos covering his pale skin. He whines lowly, thighs tensing as he rides Phil’s dick.

“God, I love you.” Phil gasps, pulling Dan closer to him as much as possible.

Dan can’t help but smile, even though he was biting his lip to the point of nearly drawing blood. He grinds a little harder, one hand traveling up to hold Phil’s cheek.

“I know.”

-

The light that’s coming through the window is what wakes Phil the next morning. He feels a heavy weight on his chest, and when he rubs at his eyes he can make out his boyfriend’s face. He reaches over to the bedside table for his glasses which, of course, are not there. His contacts are dried up on the bedside where he had half the mind to lay them before falling asleep the night before.

He feels Dan shift on his chest, and hears him exhale sharply as he wakes up. 

“Good morning.”

Dan scrunches his eyes before he opens them, blinking at the light coming in from the windows.

He smiles. “Philly.” He snuggles back into Phil’s neck, snaking his arms around his waist and curling their legs together.

“Hi darling.” He pets over Dan’s frizzy hair, letting Dan bury his icy cold nose into his neck. “It’s early. You’re gonna have to let me go before Cole wakes up.”

Dan groans, nuzzling further into Phil’s tattoos. “Don’t go, Philly.”

“I have to.”

Dan peels his face away from Phil, pressing their noses together and sighing. “Let me make you a coffee first?”

-

Dan sits on the counter as Phil sips his coffee. The elder stands between his legs, resting an elbow on Dan’s thigh as he slowly caffeinates himself enough to drive home. They did’nt get much sleep last night, after all.

“Coffee good?” Dan questions, rubbing his boyfriend’s arm as he gulps the hot beverage.

Phil nods and sets the empty mug down on the counter next to Dan. “Thank you, baby.” Dan pulls him closer with his legs and kisses him, one hand coming up to tilt his jaw just slightly. He tastes like coffee and sleep and warmth, like the perfect winter day he could curl up into and enjoy. There’s some snow falling outside, because it's early and still quite cold. It’ll melt later, as the sun gets higher in the sky, but for now it perfects the wintery image in Dan’s mind. 

“Danny? Are you in the kitchen?”

They both freeze, pulling their lips apart with a soft smack. They can hear Cole’s footsteps getting closer, louder, but neither moves. Phil runs through different outcomes in his mind, trying to no avail to locate the one that will get him out of this without a fight. He steps out of Dan’s legs, their eyes locking as they both brace themselves for the inevitable screaming.

Cole enters the kitchen, eyes filling with fire the moment they lock onto Phil. He steps closer to Phil, fists clenching. “Didn’t I tell you not to come here?” He growls. 

The Howell boys are tall, Dan is only just shorter than Phil at only 18, and Phil supposes he’ll pass him in height soon. Cole is just slightly taller than Phil. But in this moment, he towers over Phil. He’s terrifying, eyes looking almost black as he fights to keep from pushing Phil back into the wall.

He looks Phil up and down, taking in his disheveled appearance. 

“Did you _sleep here_?” Cole turns to Dan then, glaring at him with unbridled disgust. 

Phil looks to Dan. He looks frightened, his face gone pale and lips parted still from the kiss. He’s paralyzed, trying to keep from upsetting Cole any more. He had wanted more time, more of a chance to figure out what he needed to say.

“Cole, just calm down first, please. Dan is terrified-”

“Don’t tell me to calm down!” He grabs the front of Phil’s shirt. He’s not quite strong enough to throw him around, but the grip makes him stumble a bit, and Dan winces.

He jumps down from the counter. “Cole, let go of him, please.” His voice is weak and small. His eyes look wet, and he begs his brother in earnest. “He’s your best friend, please, let him go.”

Cole grips his shirt tighter. His eyes never leave Phil’s. “You’re not my best friend anymore. You’re just the creep that fucked my kid brother behind my back.”

“No!” Dan claws at his brother’s shoulders, but Cole stands strong. “It’s not like that! Fucking- let go of him!” Tears are streaming down his face, now, his skin an angry pink. That rosy patch is lit up again, but not in the beautiful way it does when Phil kisses over it. He’s going to burst, whether that means screaming or fainting or attacking Phil’s not sure.

“Dan, baby, just-”

A crack sounds throughout the kitchen. Cole throws Phil back like he’d been electrocuted. He stares at his hand, as if it had moved without him telling it to. 

Phil had never been punched in the face before, not even at a uni party. He supposes that this can tie back to his goal to ‘try new things’, but the pain in his cheekbone distracts him. He can hear Dan screaming at Cole, pointing at him where he stands with a hand pressed to his face. 

“I’m fucking leaving!” He hears, then is pulled back into consciousness when Dan grabs his wrist. He pulls Phil through the kitchen, out towards the front door. He’s still not completely there, and Dan, luckily, notices this and zips his coat up for him. He can make out Cole yelling, ordering Dan to stay as he pushes Phil out the door and into his car.

Dan rests his hand on top of Phil’s where it lays on his thigh. “Phil?”

He looks up at Dan, blinking. Those big brown eyes rip him from his dreamy daze Cole knocked him into with his fist. 

“Did he hurt you?”

Phil inhales, reaching up to touch his cheek with the hand that Dan isn’t grasping.

“I’ll be okay.” He murmurs. It hurts, but Dan is worth it.

He drives them back home, with only one hand. Dan won’t let go of him, squeezing his palm even harder every time he attempts to pull back his hand.

They enter the house, and Phil is relieved to find that both of his parents are out. 

Dan makes him lay on the couch as he holds a soft ice pack on his cheek. He strokes his thumb over the cold skin, pressing an occasional kiss to the bruise forming. He’s turned on Buffy to play in the background, but neither boy is really watching. Phil’s head rests in his boyfriend’s lap, eyes closed, enjoying the way Dan leans down to kiss his face every few seconds. And Dan fusses over him, holding the ice in place and relentlessly apologizing for his older brother.

“Are you really okay?”

Phil only nods, the ice pack crinkling as he moves his head. The pain from his cheek is starting to give him a headache.

“You were right,” Phil croaks. “He wasn’t ready to talk.”

Dan smiles and shakes his head.

“Can I…” He starts, voice trailing off. “Do you think I could stay here for a while?”

Phil opens his eyes, raising one hand to stroke Dan’s cheek.

“Of course.” 

He sits up then, Dan grumbling as he picks up the fallen ice pack from the carpet. He gathers Dan into his arms, encasing him in an inescapable hug. The last thing he wants right now is for Dan to feel alone. He hugs a little tighter as he considers everything that Dan’s gone through. He shouldn’t have to lose his brother just because of their relationship.

“Alright, alright. You’re crushing me.” He mumbles into Phil’s neck, though he makes no move to pull away.

“Yeah.” Phil breathes. Just enjoying the moment, here, with Dan.

-

Waking up next to Dan has always been amazing. But waking up next to Dan for a whole week in a row is fucking _sensational_. _There’s that word again_ , Phil’s mind taunts. But this time, Phil agrees. So what if he wants this forever? Dan looks like a perfectly innocent cherub, all rosy and peaceful in his sleep. His long legs stretch towards the end of the bed, curling into Phil’s when his feet get cold in the night. He’s perfect for Phil in every way, and even when they fight about who gets to shower first in the morning (because Dan has some sort of aversion to showering together if Phil’s parents are in the house) he’s still the epitome of perfection in Phil’s mind.

Not to mention Phil’s mum and dad are absolutely peachy about having Dan in the house. They exchange looks over dinner often, smirking about how Phil is embarrassingly taken with the young boy. It makes Phil cringe when he catches these interactions, and his dreams about renting a flat with Dan nearby multiply each time. They certainly could feel a lot more free in an apartment of their own, and they wouldn’t have to experience the extraordinary embarrassment from Phil’s mum interrupting another steamy makeout session.

“Hey.” Phil kisses over his cheek, then his ear. The boy grunts weakly, one arm rising to cover his eyes. “Wake up, baby.”

“Get up. Or else.” Phil teases, squeezing the younger boy’s hip.

A tiny smile dances at Dan’s lips. “Or else what?” He mumbles, turning away from Phil.

Phil drags him closer, attaching his lips to Dan’s neck. He releases a moan as Phil begins to suck a bruise into the skin, and reaches back behind him to pull Phil closer. 

Phil blows a raspberry into the tender skin, making Dan shriek in surprise. 

“Dont. Do that. Ever. Again.” He squawks, punctuating each word with a smack to Phil’s face with his drool-soaked pillow. 

Phil giggles, apologizing with a few real kisses to his neck. 

He could definitely get used to this.

-

It's not too long before Dan starts getting texts from his brother. The first one comes after a few weeks of Dan living at Phil’s. They start simple but demanding. He orders Dan to come home, to forget about Phil and come back to his brother. They become more earnest, begging him to at least tell him where he is. He’s surprised that he hasn’t just shown up at Phil’s door at this point, honestly. 

He gets a text from Samuel, surprisingly, the next day. He’s seated between Phil’s legs, and the older boy grips his thigh as the notification comes across his screen. Samuel asks Dan about Cole. Apparently he had showed up at Samuel’s that day, to see if Dan was there.

“That’s weird.” Phil mumbles, his hold on Dan’s thigh loosening.

Dan nods, tapping out a quick response to Sam questioning why Cole would be there.

**samuel**  
He seems to think  
we’re still together.

“What?” Phil questions. He could almost laugh. “Why on earth would he think that?”

“It’s definitely odd.” Dan murmurs.

He opens up his messages with Cole, searching through the endless threads of texts. He doesn’t find anything, except a few that claim “ _you’re better than this, Danny_ ”. That’s odd, Phil thinks. Better than what? Falling for an older man? “ _Older_ ” Phil thinks, rolling his eyes. If four years was a lifetime to Cole, then it's no wonder he’s had no long lasting relationships. 

-

“You’re mad!” Dan shrieks, tugging his sweater tighter against his body.

“You’re boring!” Phil calls back. He’s already half naked on the shore, it's not like Dan could stop him now.

Dan had driven Phil out to a field of purple wildflowers a ways away to take some photos at what he referred to as “golden hour”. Something about the way his dark exterior contrasted with the delicate beauty of the flowers. Phil wanted to laugh at the symbolic nature of it all. They’d gotten some pretty great pictures, too, although Dan insists that he’d have to edit them first. It had gotten dark (and insanely cold) quickly after, and Phil had dragged him over to a small pond that was under a large tree. 

_Of course_ he had to strip down and get into the water. When else would he get to give Dan this teen romance movie moment?

He sinks into the cold water, breathing deeply as it nips at his skin. 

“You’re freezing, I can tell.” Dan huffs, arms still crossed over his chest.

“Then come warm me up.” Phil winks, lowering himself the rest of the way into the water. “Make it a birthday present.”

Dan grumbles as he starts to pull off his clothing. Phil watches his every move, eyes roaming over the perfect, pale skin. He licks his lips as Dan slips off his pants, his hands already buzzing to take hold of the boy.

“Stop watching me, perv.” He snorts. “I’m not a free show.”

He steps into the water, shouting as it electrifies his skin. “You’ll have to-ugh _fuck_ it’s cold- you’ll have to hold me, my piercings shouldn’t be in this dirty water.” 

“Come here, love.” Phil opens his arms, pulling the shivering boy into a hug. He walks them a bit deeper into the water, keeping Dan pressed tightly against his skin. 

Dan sighs into his hair, squeezing his legs around Phil’s naked hips as his body gets used to the water. Phil rubs over his body, attempting to warm every part of his skin. Dan smiles as he starts to heat up, keeping a tight hold on his boyfriend. He pulls his face up from his neck, despite his cold nose, and connects their lips. Phil bites down on his bottom lip, pulling him closer and stroking over his back.

“We are-” He gasps, Phil interrupting the sentence with another heated kiss. “We are not having sex in a dirty pond.”

“Perv,” Phil breathes. “I just wanted to kiss you.”

“Sure.”

Phil rolls his eyes. “Fine then. Let’s get home.” He carries Dan to the shallow part of the pond stepping onto the shore. 

“Whatever for?” Dan muses, faking an innocent expression.

Phil pulls him closer, the younger boy shivering since they had emerged for the water. “So I can show you what I really wanted to do to you in that pond.” He whispers.

Dan gasps as Phil’s breath huffs into his ear. 

“Let’s get dressed.”

-

**cole**  
I fucked up by hitting  
him ok

**cole**  
I just want to know  
if you’re alright

Dan had been staring at the messages on his phone the entire time Phil was in the shower. The bright screen had begun to make his eyes water. Or, at least, that’s what he told himself was causing the tears to gather in his eyes. 

Phil enters the bedroom, all wrapped up in his multiple towels and still dripping from the shower. Dan switches his phone off and sets it on the nightstand.

Phil strips from the towels on his head and his chest and steps over to the edge of the bed in between Dan’s legs. He raises a hand to Dan’s forehead, smoothing his thumb over the crease between his eyebrows.

“What’s the matter, darling?”

Dan sighs. He throws his arms around Phil’s waist, resting his cheek against his lower stomach. Phil pets his hair and rubs over his back, trying to provide some sort of comfort without actually knowing the problem.

He releases Phil’s waist and looks up at him, eyes big and glistening with tears. “I want to go see Cole.” He breathes, the dam finally breaking as tears begin to run down his face.

The elder pulls Dan back to his stomach, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. 

“Okay. We’ll go to him.”

They can work out the details in the morning. For now, Phil needs to throw some pajamas on and just cuddle with his boyfriend. Dan shudders as he sobs, knees curled up to his chest where he lays between Phil’s legs. He squeezes Dan as the tears continue. 

-

“I told him I needed some air.” Dan mutters as he seats himself in Phil’s passenger seat. 

The brothers had been speaking for about half an hour, and Phil would guess that it’s been going well so far. He didn’t hear any shouting from inside, besides from Dan in the beginning of the interaction when he screamed at Cole for punching Phil. Cole didn’t know he was here, they had decided Dan would first go inside to see if Cole was ready to talk. Then, if all went well, they could hopefully discuss their relationship with him without any more punches being thrown.

“What have you been talking about?”

Dan sighs. “Well, firstly, he thought we were having an affair with each other.”

“Huh?”

“Like, he thought I was dating Samuel and you were with that ‘guy’ you claimed gave you all the hickies, and we were hooking up for whatever reason.”

“So… does he care?”

“He’s still upset about it, especially that we hid it for so long. But he’s a little less… disappointed, I guess.”

Phil pauses, considering how his best friend might be feeling right now.

“Do you think I can come in yet?”

Dan reaches over to hold his hand. “I think it’s now or never.”

Phil tries to smile. It’s a bit nervous looking, so he attempts to distract from it by placing a kiss on Dan’s lips. 

He jumps out the car suddenly, racing over to Dan’s side to open his door for him. Dan giggles, which was his goal, and they walk side by side to the front door.

Phil opens the door, taking a steadying breath as Dan squeezes his hand and releases it.

“Phil.” He looks surprised. Which, Phil figures, is better than angry.

Cole’s eyes lock onto the side of his face, where his skin has a slight yellow tinge from the healed bruise. 

“I shouldn’t have punched you.”

Phil nods slowly. “I agree.”

“I mean- I’m saying I’m sorry. I knew it was stupid right after I did it.” Cole fumbles around with his hands. He’s stepping closer to Phil and Dan, slowly but surely.

“Thank you.” Phil shifts awkwardly on his feet. “It hurt pretty badly.”

“I hope it wasn’t too awful.”

Phil considers his response for a beat longer than would probably be considered normal.

He looks over to his boyfriend. “Dan took care of me.”

Cole nods, slowing his steps to a stop. He’s glancing in between the boys. They’re not even touching, but Phil feels so exposed under his gaze. 

“I’m sorry too,” Phil speaks up. He leans a little closer to Dan, microscopically. “For not telling you as soon as it happened.” He decides to be bold and grabs Dan’s hand. The younger boy smiles back at him, squeezing his hand reassuringly once again. “But not for falling in love with him.”

Cole rolls his eyes. 

“Danny,” Dan looks over to him scowling. “ _Dan_ ,” he corrects, “you really love this idiot?”

He nods, curls bouncing with his enthusiasm. “With all my heart.”

“And he treats you well?” Cole crosses his arms.

“Better than anyone. Like a prince.”

Cole rubs his eyes, sighing. “Phil, you couldn’t pick anyone but my _brother_?”

Phil laughs, squeezing Dan’s hand back. “Not in a million lifetimes.”

“Oh, you two are just disgusting. Disgustingly _in love_ , alright, whatever.” He glances down at their conjoined hands, then turns away. “Dan, all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy. That’s what Mum always told me. She just wanted us to be happy.”

“He makes me so happy, Cole. Really.” Dan insists. His voice is soft and soothing at the mention of his mother.

“My best friend and my brother…” He mutters, shaking his head. “Alright. I’ll stop being such a dick about it.”

Dan beams, his entire face and demeanor lighting up. He pulls Phil into a chaste kiss. He pushes him away gently, expecting Cole to start expressing his disgust for the couple. Instead, his expression appears to have softened. He smiles lightly, and finally stalks over to hug Phil. 

“I missed you, mate.” He mumbles. “Sorry for being a twat.”

Phil squeezes him half to death. “Missed you more, twat.”

-

The three boys are laying in the back garden, on a blanket spread in the grass. There’s faint music playing from Phil’s phone, and Cole mumbles the lyrics. The skies are perfectly clear and blue, with a few puffy clouds trailing across. 

Dan is laying with his head on Phil’s chest, staring up at the moving clouds. It’s a bit windy out, so he’s happy to have his own personal heater as they lay out in the garden.

“I think mum would be pleased.” Cole says.

Dan lifts his head from Phil’s sternum. “You mean with us?”

Phil smiles.

“Yeah, definitely that,” He gestures to the two boys, still cuddled up together. “But also all of it.” 

Dan hums, reaching over for his polaroid camera. 

“Squish together, Phil, Cole.” He shifts to the other side of the blanket and raises the camera, glancing through the small lens. “My two favorite boys.” He murmurs. 

Cole snorts. “Shut up and take the picture, Dan.”

He clicks the button and snatches the polaroid from the bottom of the camera. The white rectangle slowly starts to gain some color as Dan watches it intently. 

“How do we look, darling?”

Dan hands the picture over to the older boys. “It’s perfect.”

It is a nice picture. Dan’s still getting used to using a polaroid compared to his expensive camera from Phil, so the framing’s a bit off. He thinks the lighting could be better as well, God knows his boyfriend was pale enough that he could lose features quite easily in most photos. But that’s not what’s perfect about the photo to Dan. Phil is laughing at Cole urging Dan to snap the photo, his tongue poking out from between his teeth. Cole is looking up at Dan behind the camera, a genuine smile spreading over his lips. They do look happy, Dan thinks. Just like she wanted.

“What will you do with this one?”

He takes the polaroid between his thumb and forefinger, admiring the moment trapped in the small rectangle again. 

“This one’s for Mum.” He decides. 

Cole smiles. 

“I like that idea.”

***

“It’s February.” Dan comments. 

He’s stood at the stove, cooking pancakes for the two of them at Phil’s house. He spends most nights here now, sometimes going home to spend some time with his older brother. They’re all together, most of the time. Occasionally with Cole’s girlfriend, Steph, as well. Yesterday was some much-needed alone time for the young couple, and it was especially nice with Phil’s parents out of the house on a trip.

Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s waist, pressing a kiss to his hair from behind him. “Yep. February 12th, glad you can read a calendar.”

Dan flips the pancake over, shuffling the pan a bit before returning it to the hob. 

“Almost Valentine’s day.”

Phil hums, kissing his neck. 

“Almost spring.”

“So it is.”

Phil holds him as they sway slightly, and Dan continues to flip pancakes and set them on a plate.

”I’ve always loved spring.”

“Have you?” 

“Mm.” Dan confirms. He pours off the last of the batter into the pan. “Symbolism or whatever.”

Phil squeezes his hips. 

“What’s your favorite season, Phil?” Dan questions, setting the final pancake on a plate and switching off the hob.

_Summer_. Phil wants to say. _It’s when we had our first kiss. It’s when you pull out those ripped shorts that are probably way too small for you. When you wear those scratched-up heart shaped sunglasses and suck on a lollipop all goddamn day._ But he also wants to say: _Autumn. Because we fell in love in October and that’s when I got to start calling you mine. Because we slept together for the first time while the leaves fell off of the trees and I finally got to feel what it was like to be one with you._ Or maybe, _winter. Winter brought us trouble, but it also brought us unforgettable memories. Your obnoxiously loud lilac dungarees, a perfect shade to match the bruises we both wore on our necks. My birthday, where the greatest gift I received was waking up next to you and seeing your dopey half-asleep grin._

_Winter, when I found us a flat just a few minutes away…_

Or, _whatever the hell is coming in spring. Because I know it will be perfect, if it's with you._

“You.”

Dan gives him a look. He was used to his boyfriend being odd, but sometimes it still surprised him.

“I’m not a season, you prat.” He laughs that beautiful warm laugh, pulling Phil over to the table and serving him some pancakes.

“No,” Phil pulls the boy onto his lap. “But seasons change, baby. People don’t.” 

Dan gives him that look again. That, “ _you’re weird but I love you_ ” face.

“I don’t like change.”

Dan hums, pulling him into a long kiss with both of his large hands cradling Phil’s face.

He pulls back, rubbing Phil’s cheek with his thumb. The bruise there had faded away. He didn’t even notice until now. “We’ll change together, then.”

Phil nods. 

“Always, together.”

A single pink flower blossoms on the shrub outside Phil’s grandmother’s house. It’s going to be a beautiful spring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully i can just say “exams” and you all will understand...  
> this doesn't feel like the end of this au, lmk what yall think  
> id love to chat on tumblr so come say hi [@sadlybunny](https://www.sadlybunny.tumblr.com)  
> -bunny x


End file.
